1 December 1988 Thursday
My baby
nephew James Edgar Clark is 20 years old today. The weather is cold and an
inversion is settling in the valley. On Saturday I have to go to Woods Cross
High School for some training
I’m not feeling well. My back is really hurting. I
wonder if my cold has settled into my lower back that’s always been weak. I
hope that is all it is and not hepatitis. I know I am certainly worn down but I
want to be well for my date tomorrow with Alan Scott. So I am going to bed
early at 8:30.
Billy Cat and I have been feuding
for the past couple of days. He’s been spraying in my bedroom and I’ve had to
do a load of wash for the past three days. So I’ve been putting him out in the
day while I’m at work and only letting him sleep in the front room at night. I
feel as bad as he does but I’ve got to break him of that bad habit. It’s not
like I don’t have kitty litter out for him.
2 December 1988 Friday
I am not
sure what to write. School was hard because I wasn’t feeling well. My back is
still sore. On the way home from work, I found out that Candy Steel is Susan
McCoy’s sister in law! Wow! So I came out to her and told her I was Gay. Why
the hell not?
Anyway at home I got ready for my
date with Alan Scott but when he came over, he said that he was troubled by our
relationship, saying that he felt
confined and was not ready for just one person. He wanted to be just friends.
My heart turned to stone. Gawd how I hate those words. I said “No. I won’t be
your friend. Go be friends with someone else. I don’t need any more
friends and I don’t want to go out with
you.” So he left.
I am not waiting for anyone. Not anymore.
I feel so empty.
3 December 1988 Saturday
It’s 6:45
in the morning and I am still sitting at the bus stop on State Street and
Broadway downtown waiting to catch a bus to Woods Cross High for my in-service
class. I have to be there by 8. It’s freezing out. There’s a crazy bag lady
huddled beneath the bus stop heater and I think I must be crazy too.
All the pretty Christmas lights are
on downtown but there’s no Christmas in my heart this year. No anticipation. No
joy. I am still heart sick over Alan Scott but perhaps it’s for the best. A
swift blow to the heart, then it’s over and done, rather than a long drawn out
affair like I had with Billy Bikowski which very painful and drawn out over a
long two year period.
But still, I thought Alan and I had
something special. I was falling in love. Again. Well I fell and landed on my
face. Last year I swore I would never
fall in love again after Mark Brinkhaus pronouncement of “Let’s be friends.” God how I hate those words. Russ Lane, Billy
Bikowski, Mark Brinkhaus, Jeff Wood and now Alan. Is that the Gay Mantra or is
it just me?
I am done wanting a lover. I want to
be just left alone. I am giving up Unconditional Support in January and I want
to move from Utah as soon as possible. “Give me a homosexual who knows how to
love in a homoemotional way. I want a man with acceptance. Give me a guy who is
proud to be Gay.” Mormonism has really
fucked up Utah’s homosexuals.
Well I am up here in Woods Cross
waiting for the second half of the program to begin. I’m trying to sort out my
feelings. Part of me is hoping that Alan will recognize what he has lost and
will call me up and ask if we can start over again. But yesterday was so final
sounding. Could we ever start again. Could the trust level ever return? I miss him a lot. Why? I don’t know. We only
dated for a short time and I felt an immediate bonding. I’ve been with men who
I couldn’t wait to get out of my life or
away from. Even Jon Urban doesn’t turn me on like Alan does.
4 December 1988 Sunday-
I went to the Quaker Meeting with Rocky O'Donovan and Robert Erichssen.
Pat Sexton gave me a ride home. Next Sunday is a business meeting. We will be
discussing moving into our new meeting house on 2nd Avenue. I’m
enjoying more and more my time with the Quakers. I’ve always been a spiritual
Quaker, I believe. I’ve been anti-war, anti-social repression, pro prison
reform, pro civil rights. I’ve always believed that Christ’s spirit speaks to
call people without a need for an intermediator. I love a simple and plain
religious meeting. I’ve read that our relationship with the spirit is vertical
and horizontal. Our relationship to
Christ is like his cross, upward to God and outward to our common humanity.
I
gave Rocky a copy of the taped interview with Charles Van Dam. The rest of the
day I didn’t do much but rest.
I
did give in and called Alan Scott this morning and said I missed him and I
didn’t want to just walk away from him. We made a date for the 16th.
We will see.
5 December 1988 Monday
I called into work sick today. I was planning
to anyway because if this hectic busy week. It was cold and foggy almost all
day.
I
went out to get a haircut and beard trim, and then I had to catch a bus for
Wood Cross for my second day at the In-Service. It lasted for 4 to 8 in the
evening and they provided a lovely Baron of Roast dinner. I hadn’t had a nice
roast dinner in months. Perhaps
years. A police officer came and showed
us some drug paraphernalia so we could recognize it. That was interesting. I
didn’t get home until about 9:30 and I went straight to bed.
6 December 1988 Tuesday-
I came back to school with a resolve not to
yell so much at my students. That sounds awful that I yell at all but all the
grades agree that my class combination is made up of very strong willed
children. I decided to put my Quakerism into action. I’ve tried to just enforce
the positive and not the negative.
I
know that my father yelled a lot at me when I was young. I want to break that
cycle because I really do like my students. It was a long day practicing square
dancing since kids were dancing this
before their parents and the public at Ogden Mall.
Susan
McCoy went back to Salt Lake but I stayed at school making some more Christmas
Decorations for the class. At 6:30 this evening Susan came and picked me up and
we were off to the Ogden Mall. I was proud of students because they did really
well.
I
am so glad that I came out to Susan because it makes me feel better. I don’t
have to hide my life from her anymore.
Randy Olsen led the meeting
of Unconditional Support and called me to say he got the group to agree to buy
a case of food for The People With AIDS Coalition of Utah.
7 December 1988 Wednesday
I am getting worn down and now Susan McCoy is
getting ill. After school let out, Mr. Birrell, Susan, and I went out to dinner
to this Chinese place called The North Sea before going to the Layton Mall to
watch our students square dance there at 6 this evening. I didn’t get home unit 8:30 and then went
straight to bed
The
weather is shitty, typical Utah December cold inversions. I haven’t talked to
anyone in a while. I wonder how Unconditional Support went yesterday? Randy
never tells me the gossip. So I decided to go see Jim Hunsaker. He’s moved in
to apartment 21 here at the Juel. He was on his way out but later came down to
my apartment for a visit. We of course talked about Billy Bikowski and his last
appearance at Unconditional Support. I also talked about my relationship with
Alan Scott a little. I miss him but life goes on.
8 December 1988 Thursday-
Today
was the last day of Square Dancing , thank Gawd! Susan McCoy and I went to
Skippers Fish and Chips for dinner and we made a pig of ourselves. Oink Oink. I
really like their fried fish. Then we
rushed out to the Newgate Mall where I couldn’t help but think back to last
February when we held out Water Slide fund raiser. That was a fun moment in
time. The kids really out did themselves yesterday and today with their
dancing. I was proud of them.
Susan
mentioned that there was an opening in Bountiful for a 6th grade
teacher but she said since it had 38 students in it she said she probably won’t
transfer although she does want to have
a school closer to Salt Lake. She said
she was talking to our principal Jack Olearain and he told her he can’t believe
how lucky he was to get me. He said I was because I was interviewed 4 times
before, he couldn’t believe that I wasn’t snapped up. That was good to hear.
This
evening Michael Backman called and was upset because he thinks he got this girl
pregnant. Oh well.
9 December 1988 Friday
I was nauseous at work all day. Susan McCoy
is sick too. I am so glad there’s no more square dancing and we can go home at
a decent time. It’s been cold nasty
weather here but in the news the Santa Ana Winds are whipping through Southern
California. I am tired and a little
lonesome. I just stayed home tonight
because I have to get up early tomorrow to attend another In-Service class at Woods
Cross High School.
10 December 1988 Saturday-
I was up at 5:45 this morning to get ready to
catch the bus to be at Woods Cross by 8
for my In-Service Workshop on Drugs, Tobacco, and Alcohol. It was a fun day but
tiresome. I did enjoy the non competitive sports portion and the open ended
discussion workshops. The In-service was
over at 4 in the afternoon and I was back in Salt Lake by 4:15 when this
teacher I was in a workshop for most of the day gave me a ride to downtown.
I
walked to the small Gay and Lesbian
section of the Cosmic Aeroplane Bookstore and Head Shop. I bought a book called
the Gay Book of Lists for $7 then walked home in the chilly weather. There I spent much of the evening cleaning my
apartment. I am mad at Billy Cat again. He peed in the place and it smelled
awful. So I tried to clean up but couldn’t find the actual spot where he
sprayed.
. Then
Allan Petersen came over to visit. We talked for about an hour, saying to him
that I was resigning from Unconditional Support in January. I was to pursue other ventures including
creating a Memorial Tree forest Project for AIDS victims here in Salt Lake
City.
I am feeling kind of
down. Probably I’m just tired. I miss Alan Scott but he is out snow camping
this weekend. If he’s not careful he’s going to miss out on the best thing that
will ever happen to him- me.
I haven’t heard much
news lately. At the Cosmic Aeroplane, I picked up a copy of the Triangle ,
finally. It was a small issue and not very good. I’m prejudice, I suppose.
If I wasn’t so tired
it would be nice to go out. Maybe I will call Jon Urban up and see if he’ll
come over.
There should have
been a Community Dance. It was the Lesbian and Gay Student Union responsibility but they couldn’t get anyone to
host it. I’m done. I’m not going to mess with the dances anymore if people are
unreliable. Too bad. I need to leave Utah for New Mexico. I hate Utah in
December, don’t you?
11 December 1988 Sunday
I stayed up way too late last night watching
Saturday Night Live because after Jon Urban came over at 10 to make love, I was
still wired and couldn’t sleep. I feel
like the character Benjamin in the Graduate. I love the intimacy of being with
Jon and he’s a very sweet, loving caring man, and a fantastic fuck but there’s
more to my soul than just physical gratification. Although I am not negating my
sexual needs. I’m not in love with Jin
nor do I think I could fall in love with him. I know he doesn’t love me. What
we share is a joyful animal physical passion and bonding which I am grateful
for.
However today I find
that I am missing Alan Scott, a lot. I am lonesome for him. I wonder if he is
at all for me. He’s outdoor camping this weekend. I do my best camping indoors.
Anyway, I went to my
Quaker Meeting at 10 this morning. I
enjoy it more and more. I feel accepted and at home. The four main reasons I
know that I’ve always been a Spiritual Quaker even within Mormonism is first, I
love simplicity and living the simple
life. I’ve always shunned the materialistic world as detrimental to my
spiritual health. That always bothered me how Materialistic Mormons are.
Secondly, I’ve always
been a non conformist and love non conformity. If something is eccentric,
controversial or rejected, I have a tendency to embrace it. That characteristic
always made me an outsider in Mormonism.
Thirdly, I’ve always
considered myself a Christian Pacifist and believed in social change by
correcting social injustices. In my mind the sole purpose of religion at all is
to stop the oppression of the poor, and correct the inequalities in this world.
And fourthly, I have
always held that the Light of Christ is in everyone one and that God’s spirit
speaks to everyone without a need of an intermediator
to interpret God’s will for ourselves. We are all prophets and prophetesses and
have no need for the one in Salt Lake City
anymore than or less than a South African Black Bishop, We all have a
direct line to God and do not need a long distance operator to help us place
the call.
We have no need of
pastors, bishops, Elders, apostles, and priests. We all should be teaching
peace and correcting social injustice in our own little corner of the world as
the Inner Light directs.
Robert Erichssen was
at church this morning . Rocky O’Donovan said he has the flu. It’s going
around. Next week the Quaker Meeting will probably be held up in the Avenues at
161 2nd Avenue.
After coming him, I
went to “Pick and Save” where I saw Ben Barr with his mother out shopping. I
told Ben about my idea of a Memorial Tree project for AIDS victims. He thought it
was a great idea. Jon Peterson as with Ben and his mother also. What a cutie.
I spent most of the
day in the laundry room doing a load of wash, resting, reading the Sunday
Paper, and missing Alan Scott. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about him
lately.
In the evening, Becky Moss came by and picked me up to go to
KRCL where we did 3 programs for Concerning Gays and Lesbians with Jim Rieger.
I did a Christmas Program on Homosexuality and the New Testament.
12 December 1988 Monday-
Susan McCoy told me this morning on the way
to school that she wasn’t coming in to Sunset tomorrow so I will have to get up
really early to catch a bus for school. I was tired most of the day because my
kids were so hyper, excited about Christmas coming I suppose. It was straining
however and so glad it was an early out day even if Susan didn’t want to leave
until 4.
In
the evening at 6 we had our Beyond Stonewall meeting and Dave Malmstrom brought
that dumb shit Chuck Thomas over with him. When he did I knew it would be bad
news and it was. Dave resigned from being one of the directors probably due to
Chuck’s influence. Well he did say he
was burned out and needed a break from community involvement and wanted to
concentrate on his relationship with Chuck.
I can’t blame him for that.
13 December 1988 Tuesday-
It was a long tiresome day. I had to get up
at 5 this morning so I could get ready to catch a bus to downtown where at 7 I
could catch the Ogden Route 70 bus. I
reached Sunset at 8:15 so that’s not too bad. School actually starts at 8:30
Susan McCoy’s, Mr.
Birrell’s, and my class are going caroling next week so we spent some of the
afternoon, practicing and learning Christmas songs. It was awful. I was so glad
when the day was over and I caught another Ogden bus at 3:40 going to Salt
Lake. I was back in the city by 5 and I stopped at my bank on the way home to
pull some money out in order to buy some refreshments for Unconditional Support tonight since I
wasn’t sure that Randy Olson had made any arrangements for them.
At home I called Chuck
Whyte to open up the Crossroads Urban Center since Randy still had the key to
the front doors. I met up with Chuck and we went to Arby’s for a bite to eat.
Poor Chuck was singing the blues to me upset about everything. It must be from
the stress of this time of year.
I brought hot chocolate
ix and cookies for the meeting tonight. I had 45 copies of different
definitions of love to handout at the meeting as our topic was on “Games People
Play”. I first had people break down some barriers by having the group do some
physical games. I had them pair of in twos and had them stand back to back,
arms intertwined and then try to sit down together and then work to try and
stand up. Then I had them face each
other clasping each other’s hands and try to step on each other’s toes without
being stepped on. Lastly I had one partner sit down like a lump of clay while
the other kneaded him and shaped him into a statue.
Afterwards I had a discussion
on how do we play the love game when no one knows the rules? I thought it was a
good meeting and we had several new people. Darrell Webber even brought his two
young sons to the meeting. They are nice boys.
I announced at the
meeting that I will be stepping down in January. After the meeting I talked to
Darrell about taking over the group in January. Darrell and I will be getting
together to discuss it in more details this Saturday.
I am upset with Randy
Olson. Last week he got the group to agree to buy a case of food for the People
With AIDS Coalition which while I think
is wonderful, he didn’t discuss it with me and basically went behind my back .
Then he took the collection basket with donated money in it so I didn’t get re-reimbursed
nor was there any money for the information phone line. Oh well. But still I
think it was pretty high handed of him and he has lost my trust. His loss.
I went to bed at 10
as I am awfully tied.
14 December 1988 Wednesday-
At school, I let my kids have an open forum
to discuss anything they liked. It was quite illuminating. I do like my
students and all, but I had to jump on them all day. especially Robert Harden,
to keep them on task. That’s too bad. Tomorrow I’ll let him know I do like him
but expect better behavior from him.
It snowed a little
when we left school. Susan went ahead and interviewed for the sixth grade
position in Bountiful. It would be a good move for her, as she would be that
much closer to home. As it is we drive 60 miles round trip every day. But she would have 38 students compared to
the 28 she has now and as for me I’d have to take the bus every day until I
could afford a car payment.
At home I was going
through my journal to pull out significant events to do a year in review
article for Unconditional Support when I was interrupted by Jim Hunsaker coming
down to visit. He’s all settled in now.
Then Becky Moss
called me this evening to tell me about Chris Jorgenson a reporter for the Salt
Lake Tribune who had called her. He is doing a news story on the Gordon Church
murder and he wanted to talk to someone in the Gay Community about how to
handle Gay sensitive news stories. She wanted me to call him back so I did.
He said that his dilemma
which was how to treat something as a Gay bashing murder without “outing” the
person who is a victim of Gay violence. I told him that just because a person
is attacked because someone thinks he’s Gay does not mean the person is Gay.
However if a person is attacked, because he is perceived to be Gay whether the
person is Gay or not, it is still a Gay Bashing Crime.
Jorgensen wanted some
guidelines from the Gay community on how to write Gay sensitive stories and I
said that I would contact the Gay and Lesbian Community Council of Utah and
have someone from that organization meet with him on the 23rd.
He also confirmed
what Chris Brown told me last month that a judge has put a gag order on the
case and this reporter is going to court to get it lifted. He also said that
the Millard County Sheriff is treating this case as “If this guy wouldn’t have
been a faggot we wouldn’t be spending the holidays investigating this case.” Millard County is also mad about how much
this faggot murder case will cost the county.
He wanted to talk to
some other members of the community so I first called Chris Brown to see if he
would go with me but he will be home in Portland, Oregon for the holidays. So I
then contacted Curtis Jensen and Val Mansfield and they agreed to go with me to
meet with this man.
I am glad that other
decent people such as Jorgansen are as incensed over this senseless murder as I
am. I did not know this boy but hope I can be instrumental in helping his
murder come out and not be covered up as a little bit of nasty embarrassment to
the “good people” of Delta, Utah.
I had a message on my
recorder from Mark Hansen. I need to call him back.
15 December 1988 - Thursday-
Susan McCoy called me at 6 this morning to
say she’d pick me up at 6:30 to bet on
the road. Hurricane like gales were
causing havoc in Centerville with 100 miles per hour winds. On the way to
Sunset we saw six semi-trucks blown over
on their sides. It was a pretty scary ride except that I was so tired that I
didn’t much care. Thank goodness there were any snow or ice on the roads. It
was windy and cold at school all day and most of the kids kept their jackets on
even in class. It was too cold and windy to let the kids out for recess so I
was doubly tired from being cooped up with 28 demanding and strong willed
children. I am wearing down at school so thank goodness that Christmas Vacation
is just around the corner.
Susan
McCoy stayed until 4 this afternoon so because of the bad road conditions I
didn’t get home myself until nearly 5. I just stayed in this evening because I
brought a stack of papers home with me to correct but as it was I was too tired
to mess with them.
I
had a phone call from Mark Lamar who said he received the $50 I sent him and
thanked me for it. I guess he’s still out of work. He said he’s dating
Indianapolis guys but that he misses me and Salt Lake City.
I received a Xmas
card from Steve Brackenbury who wrote, “I want you to know that you have taught
me many things about friendship, leadership, and service. Thanks for the gift
of yourself.” That was really sweet of him.
I was expecting to
hear from Alan Scott about our date tomorrow
but haven’t. I’d call him but I don’t want it to seem like I am pursuing
him. Nothing is as unattractive as desperation.
16 December 1988 Friday
I’ve been tired all week because of getting
up so early and going to bed too late. The kids are also being so hyper about
Christmas coming. I was glad to leave at 3:30
to come home and get ready for my date tonight but I don’t know why I
bothered.
By 6:30 this evening I knew something was
amiss but then John reeves called. He wanted to visit so I didn’t have much
time to worry about it. Then Jon Urban
called and wanted to get together but informed him I couldn’t as I was having
someone over. So we made arrangements to get together tomorrow at 10 at night.
Anyway
by 7, Alan Scott still hadn’t shown up. So at 7:30 I called him, disappointed
in myself for doing so, but also concerned that something might have happened.
He didn’t answer so I was thinking he
was on his way over. I waited until 8:30 before turning out the lights
and going to bed.
Goodbye
Alan. Call me when you decide what you want to be when you grow up.
17 December 1988 Saturday-
I slept in until 8 this morning and it felt delicious. At 9, Michael Anderson showed up on my
doorstep. He was exhausted from being out all night with this guy he’d met. I
had him come in and we visited a little while I got dressed. He’s got himself a new vehicle as 1968 pickup
truck that he paid $300 for it. He’s still working hard in Saturday’s Voyeur
although he’s tired of it and probably won’t do it next year.
At
11 we took the 9th East Bus down to Smith Food King where we had
Chinese Food. We saw Mike Buck at the
store. He said he moved from Quince Street to 3rd South and 11th
East.
Well
after Michael Anderson left, I went up to the HYPER building to relax in the
sauna and warm up. It felt marvelous. It’s been weeks if not months since I had
been there. It was not very crowded and it was fun watching two guys jerking
each other off. Interesting. Anyway I walked home after weighing myself in at
205 pounds. Oink oink.
When
I came home from the Sauna there was a message on my answering machine recorder
from Billy Bikowski. What does he want? It doesn’t matter. I always end up
giving him whatever he wants. Not this time. Gawd why do I still love him?
At home Darrell Webber picked me up to take me
over to his place for diner and to discuss Unconditional Support. He has almost convinced me to continue as
leader while delegating out the responsibilities of the refreshments and social
activities to others. But finally I said no. I just need a rest from it. He
said he would serve as director if no one else steps up to serve.
I was home by 9:30
and Jon Urban came over . We fucked until 10:30 then he left and I went to bed.
18 December 1988 Sunday-
I woke up at 6 this
morning and the rose up to start grading papers. I did that until 9 then got
dressed for church. The Quaker Meeting is now up on 2nd Avenue so I
left at 9:30 to walk up.
After the Silent
Meeting, there was a Christmas play put on by the children in the meeting. It
was really cute
The back at home, I
didn’t get much else done as that Mike Pipkin dropped over at 1 in the
afternoon and stayed until 2:30. He wanted to visit and tell me that he is
moving to Santa Fe, New Mexico in April. I told him that I want to move to New
Mexico too.
Then Jim Hunsaker
came down to use my phone and Garth Chamberlain dropped by from 3:30 to 4:30 to
see me since he is staying with Jim Hunsaker over the Christmas holiday while
the U of U dorms shut down. He doesn’t want to go home. He said he was sorry
that the Lesbian and Gay Student Union dropped
the ball about the community dance this month.
He said that it was too close to finals and no one from the Lesbian and
Gay Student Union wanted to take on the responsibility. He said he has dropped out of leadership of The Youth Group
because he felt like he was too old now and that so many high school age kids
are now involved.
Finally at 5 I had to
settle down and start grading papers again
but then there was a knock at my door. It was Billy Bikowski. I was
surprised, delighted and scared. I invited him in and he said that he’s doing
well and is being productive. He bought himself a van because his Volkswagen
Rabbit was reposed and sold. If he has wheels then it’s time for me to get a
car too. It was bittersweet evening being with Billy. I have such mixed
emotions. He said he’s going home to New Hampshire for Christmas. I already
miss him.
After Billy left David
Sharpton called and said that the
offices of The People With AIDS Coalition he co founded with Tom Lindsey were
broken into however nothing was taken so he suspects that people were just
looking for names and information.
19 December 1988 Monday-
I am tired and have been all day. I think I
am emotionally worn down from Billy Bikowski’s brief visit yesterday. I want to
leave, move, or whatever it takes for him to never find me again. Billy take care of yourself.
I am glad it was a
short day at work and I have most of my work caught up and all the mid-term
report cards out to everyone.
I know I am getting
sick, and worn down. I am sick to my stomach
but when I came home this evening I made popcorn balls for my kids.
Davyyd Daniels called
me to say that Charles Van Dam died from AIDS complications in Phoenix, Arizona
today. Just yesterday I played some of the tapes I had of him to Billy. He
never regained his coherent speech so I have the last interview he ever gave
anyone for the Historical Society and Archives. I am a little melancholy over
that.
Gawd how I hate
December. I think I will just go to bed and if I wake up, fine.
Today is Mike Pipkin’s
28th birthday.
20 December 1988 Tuesday-
It was another hectic day at Sunset Elementary with
the Sixth graders ready to jump out of
their skins and I’m sitting at my desk with a massive skull splitting headache. Did Billy Bikowski
bring this on? I can’t blame everything on him I suppose. Thank Gawd, Susan
McCoy had to leave early to go pick her husband
up at 3 this afternoon so I was
home by 4.
It
was a cold wintry day and I took the bus down to 9th East and 9th
South to buy $20 worth of cookies and
candy at Smith’s Food King so I can wrap them tonight and give out to the kids
tomorrow.
When
I came back home I had to get ready for
Unconditional Support even though I didn’t feel well. What a trooper. There was
a very small turn out perhaps only ten people in all. The holidays sure
diminishes attendance for sure. I did the a lesson on Homosexuality and the New
Testament. It was the first time ever in Unconditional Support that I did a
lesson on religion. I also talked about how I started attending a Quaker
Meeting and how at home I feel there. I was glad that the meeting was so small so
I could leave early
Mike Conners dropped
off a packet for Beyond Stonewall ‘89 from his lover John Bush. John is doing
such an outstanding job. I hope I can find someone equally gifted to replace
Dave Malmstrom.
I’ve decided to let
Unconditional Support stand or fail on its own merits. People need to take charge of their own
destinies. People have to step forward and make a difference. I am tired of shouldering so much alone. I
can’t control everything in this world in fact I can’t control any of it even
my own body. I’ve gotten some little bug again. Perhaps with my eating somewhat
more healthy I won’t get too sick. I have a slight cough.
I
am missing Billy Bikowski tonight. I get so melancholy whenever he comes
around. Last Sunday Billy said that he
has to say that he doesn’t miss me in order to keep from hurting. I saw the
tears well up in his eyes. How sad it must be to need someone so much yet unable
to love that person.
Jim Hunsaker invited
me to a Christmas Party this Friday at his apartment upstairs. I will probably
make an appearance.
What
is going on in my head? Visions of Sugar Plum Fairies? I am so anathematized with
sugar and caffeine so how can I sort anything out? I need to purge my brain, my
body, and my spirit. I need to get into a regular exercise program to get the
sludge out of my brain.
So
what is my agenda?
1. To lose 30 pounds. That is possible.
2. To get a car. Why does that scare me?
3. To discover my new Quaker faith. Exciting
4. To become a better teacher. For survival
5. To focus on who Ben Williams is. About
time
6. Buy a VCR player. I need my diversions
7. To buy a CD player. I need music in my
life.
8. To get some new clothes. Too reflect my
life style
9. Join a health club. To clear my head.
10. Walk a mile a day. To clear up my blood.
11. To get off of sugar and oil saturated
carbohydrates. To save my life.
12. To put attraction to Billy Bikowski
behind me. For my peace of mind.
13. Prepare to move to New Mexico. I like the
word “new” in New Mexico. A new start, a fresh beginning. No memories. No
painful past. Just a personal Renaissance . I would like to spend the end of my
days in an adobe kiva, safe and warm, in the land of Enchantment.
21 December 1988 Wednesday-
It’s officially the first day of Winter and
boy were we hit with a huge snow storm. The storm broke about 10 this morning
and it snowed heavily nearly 6 inches until 1:30, just in time for the Sixth
Graders to go caroling.
The
kids were so wired that I thought I’d have to tie a rope around them to get
them settled down. Jeremiah
Kite, Justin Wiberg, and Brody Kendall got pink slips written up on them at
recess for throwing snow balls. I was so mad at them for putting me in the
position of making a decision whether or not to let them attend our Christmas
Party with the rest of the class.
Snowballs
and young boys go hand in hand so it’s
hard to punish them for something that is
irresistible in their nature. I mean fresh ne snow! It was just seducing
them almost saying “please throw me. You know you want too.”
Well
I made them write a paragraph home to their parents about why the broke school
rules and received a pink slip to satisfy a punishment so they could still
enjoy the party. I then threw the notes away after all it was Christmas. We had our party from 2:30 until 3 with
cookies, candies, and punch.
In
the evening I just stayed in and watched Pee Wee Herman’s Christmas Special.
I’m sorry but I like Pee Wee Herman. He makes me laugh. While watching it Jon
Urban called and asked if he could come over. I said yes and we made love for a
while. He’s been horny lately and I do enjoy the sex. As we were fucking, I had
a phone call from Grant Cheever asking about the Gay and Lesbian Historical
Society and Archives.
I didn’t want to
answer the phone but Jon insisted saying it might be important. I did but said,
“I’ll call you back. After Jon had finished and left, I did call Grant back and
we talked for about an hour about the project and how interested he is in it.
He said that he’s collected articles and
Gay related information for the past ten years. He was interested in joining
Rocky O'Donovan and I in getting the Gay Historical Society off the ground.
I didn’t get to bed
until nearly 10:30. Billy cat was giving me fits, scratching at the window so I
threw his butt outside.
Tomorrow is a short
day and he last day of school until January 3rd. Yay!
22 December 1988 Thursday
The
day was hectic but it went fast. There was a Christmas play in the morning and
there was a movie after that in the auditorium. School let our at 1:05 and Susan made out like a bandit with gifts
from her students. I got some fudge. I hate to think fat I am getting but Jon
Urban likes it so he says. The bigger the cushion the better the pushing I
suppose.
Susan
is a good person but basically I’m pissed. It’s 2:30 and the 6th
graders have all gone home for Christmas Vacation. The only reason I am still
at Sunset is because Susan McCoy can’t get her butt in gear to get out of here.
She can fart around more than anyone unless she has to be out. I think she
could be a little more considerate after all I am paying her $60 s month to
ride with her This makes me realize I’ve got to myself a vehicle. I mean before
I go back to school in January. It’s time to start making car payments or
whatever it takes.
Anyway
in the evening I stayed home. Garth Chamberlain came down from Jim Hunsaker’s
apartment to use my phone because his car had been broken into and his portable
stereo was stolen. While down he gave me
a book of his poems so we sat and visited about them and life in general.
People used to politely sit and listen to my pedestrian collection of
amateurish poetry so I at least thought I had to return the same for Garth.
Poetry is so fucking intimate and while universal, sometimes it has no value to
anyone else except the composer no matter how much we wish for it to have a
lasting eternal significance.
I
tried cleaning the place and I put up some of the Christmas art decorations the
kids made at school but discarded on their mad dash to exit. So now I have a
room full of paper poinsettias and a paper Christmas tree with pretty glitter
paper ornaments. It makes me happy
I
had a Christmas card from my student Jeannie Skipper that when I opened it I
broke down and cried and made a vow to be a better teacher to these young
souls. She wrote, “Dear Mr. Williams You are the greatest teacher in the whole
wide world and I will never forget that and all the things you did for me. Your
student Jeannie Skipper.”
23 December 1988 Friday
I slept in until 7:30 this morning and then
did some laundry before trying to make an appointment at FHP my Family Health
Plan Insurance Clinic but I never could get through.
Rather
than stay home and eat, I decided to go downtown and do a little shopping for
myself. I went to Weinstocks in the Crossroads Mall to price a CD player or a
VCR player but ended up buying clothes instead. I really needed a heavy winter
coast and I bought a nice one discounted to $90 from $150. Then I bought some
new shoes. I blew out all my shoes this summer, walking everywhere so I bought
a pair of Reeboks on sale from $60 to $45. I needed some good walking shoes. I
really did. I also bought a pair of casual dress shoes for $50. I had a $300
limit on my charge card so I also bought a pair of heavy cotton dress pants
called Dockers. They’re dark gay with pleats in the front. I tried on a 36 inch
waist pair of pants which were a bit snug but I thought I will not buy a 38
inch waist again. Well I went and
another pair instead of the one’s I
tried on and at home I found they were quite comfortable. It listed my spirit
that I am still at a 36 inch waist
Anyway
while downtown I walked to the Post Office at Expo Mart to check the P.O. Box
and I had several Christmas Card in there plus a check from Colin Campbell for
Beyond Stonewall. I had a card from Grandma and Grandpa Johnson and even though
Aunt Pauline Johnson addressed it, they signed it in their shaky way.
I
then took the bus home and then up to the HYPER Building on Campus to sit in
the sauna. There I saw Todd from Logan who used to date Beau Chaine two years
ago. While talking to him come to find
out he is the boy who called me for Billy Bikowski’s phone number last fall who
wanted to go bike riding with him. He and Billy are bike riding friends but
nothing else. He’s not attracted to Billy in the least, He was surprised that I
even knew Billy because he never mentioned me to Todd. Why does that still
surprise me and hurt me? I knew from Steve Barker that Billy has people up and
down the Wasatch Front who think they are the center of his universe when
in reality we are really just distant galaxies from each other without
any knowledge of each other’s existence. Billy is a blazing comet light up the sky in an elliptical orbit
through many star systems. To keep him in my sphere would be impossible.
Perhaps he would just burn up and be just a shooting star instead of the glorious
comet who illuminates my heavens these past two years.
In the
evening I went up to Jim Hunsaker’s
Christmas Party which was quite a little affair. I invited Mike Anderson to go
with me and I was already tipsy on two glasses of wine before even going up. I
was not relating to anyone there so at 10, Mike and I left. We hooked a ride
down to the In-Between where we danced
and drank vodka. I saw Mike
Pipkin , Steve Oldroyd, Ken Carlson, the Bruces or is it Bruci and tall Cory
from the March on Washington last year at the bar and sat with them at various
times. The bar was crowded even though Bobby Dubray had heaters out on the
Patio.
Jim’s
party must have ended because at midnight he showed up for an appearance and he
ended taking me back to the Juel Apartments at 12:30 in the morning. Mike
Anderson went home with someone he had met at Jim’s party earlier.
Donny
Eastepp invited Jim and me to a free Christmas Eve buffet at the In-Between get
together. I will probably go.
24 December 1988 Saturday-
I just love my new winter coat. I bundled up
in it and walked downtown again to mail off some Beyond Stonewall information
and to send my journal entries to John Reeves in Boston as I had promised. From
there I went to the central library where I only stayed briefly because they
were closing a half hour early because of Christmas Eve. So I didn’t have time to cruise or meet
anyone. I was horny.
From
there I walked down to Sears on 8th South and State Street where I
bought some more heavy cotton pants and a Sergio Valencia bag for $19. It has a
nice long shoulder strap and it’s large enough to carry anything I want in it
bit not to be cumbersome as a back pack.
While
at Sears I saw this cute guy cruising and we made eye contact so I followed him
around the store discreetly until I discovered he was a floor walker. ha! ha!
He must have thought I was shop lifting and I thought he was flirting. Well it’s a natural mistake for a Gay man to
make when a cute boy looks at you.
I
stopped at Deseret Industries on 7th South on the way home and found
almost a brand new pair of gray Dexter shoes for $2 my exact size. I said thank
you God and snatched them up. They were what I was really looking for at
Weinstocks! I’m taking the pair I bought yesterday back to the store. I love my
Reeboks by the way.
Walking
home from D.I. , I ran across Russ Lane who said he had a Christmas gift for me
and asked me to come up to his apartment in Broadway Towers to get it. So I
finally saw his place for the first time. It was nice but not very homey. Russ
has never been much of a home maker.
Anyway he gave me
some metaphysical books for Christmas. He said that he will be joining The
Church of Religious Science tomorrow. He also said that he’s a dedicated
pacifist now. Well good. He’s grown
tremendously in the three years I have know him. Then he held me and it
felt like old times and I cried a little when he whispered in my ear, “If I
ever hurt you or offended you for that I am truly sorry” And then he thanked me
for all the love I had for him and for the work I do in the community.
Roads not taken.
What would have my life been like with
Russ and I together, me with my fight for social justice and his organizational
skills? I will never know.
Mike Allred, my old
Brigham Young University roommate, of all people, sent me a Christmas Card of
his family. He is married living in Ogden and has three children. I am happy
for him and the life choices he has
made. I was so in love with him back in 1973, now fifteen years ago.
Billy Bikowski. What
more can I write about him? Jim Hunsaker
thinks he mentally challenged which is
his polite way of saying mentally ill. They once dated once or twice. However I
think Billy is an artistic genius that
we mere mortals cannot fathom.
About 6:30 p.m. Jim
Hunsaker and I went to the In-Between where I saw Jon Merrill dressed as Dixie.
I like him so we sat and visited about metaphysics and New Age ideas while
waiting for the buffet to begin.
It was a rather
melancholy affair at the bar with all these sad ”blue, blue” Christmas songs
playing. I thought Gawd half these people are going to kill themselves tonight
if the music doesn’t get any more cheerier. But I suppose it’s better being
here than having no place to go at all.
The In-Between
provided a scrumptious turkey and ham
dinner and seeing all these people being feed I softened towards Bobby Dupree
about that incident last summer about putting that drunken boy out on the
streets. Who am I to set myself up as judge over everyone?
We stayed until
nearly 9 when we came back to the Juel Apartment where I went up to Jim’s
place. I had a glass of wine and we talked about Billy. What else? Jim wanted
to go to the Resurrection Metropolitan Community Church’s midnight Christmas
service but I was so sleepy from the wine that I just went downstairs to my apartment
and went to bed. Merry Christmas
everyone.
25 December 1988 Sunday Christmas Day
I woke up this morning after having a frightful
or disturbing dream of a vampire wanting me to fuck him. Is that bizarre or
what? I did not want that image in my head do I groggily got up and when I
looked out the bedroom window I saw that it was snowing quite heavily so we are having a White Christmas.
I
brought in Billy cat who I had put out last night and fed him some wet cat
food. I petted him and said “merry Christmas”. Then I tried to start calling
people. I called my sister Donna Jones who said Mom and Dad were down from
Victorville and over at my uncle and aunt, Milton and Marie’s house in Anaheim.
So I called there to wish them Merry
Christmas. Mom said that it had rained quite heavily yesterday so we probably
got that storm.
I
didn’t go to my Quaker Meeting as it was snowing really heavily and I didn’t want to walk out in it.
At
12:30 this afternoon, Michael Anderson came by to get me to take me to his
place for Christmas dinner. I gave his a Joan Baez CD as a present and an old Gay Porn film I had bought in
California 2 years ago at Christmas. I gave Mike’s mother Clarisse a ski cap that
had a long pony tail.
Anyway
it was a nice mellow day listening to some of my Compact Disks on his CD player
and eating a nice turkey dinner his mother had fixed. Others who came over were
Danny Keele and his lover Jeff, and Mike’s comatose friends Loren and Tom. They
personally blow the stereotype of Gays being wildly funny and extroverted.
It
kept snowing all day and it never did let up.
The news said that some places in the valley received 20 inches of snow.
We have at least a foot of new snow.
I
went home at 7:30 this evening when Danny and Jeff left and gave me a ride. The
streets were so awful and Danny I could tell was high, so I had them let me out
at 7th East and 4th South and I trudged home through the snow rather than them getting
stuck on 6th East which had been buried since this morning.
Garth
Chamberlain and Ken Francis both called
me to wish me a Merry Christmas I had received the following Christmas Cards
for my students Jeannie Skipper and Karen Russell as well from my family, Aunt
Minnie Williams, my Uncle R.L. Williams and his wife Ellie, my Aunt and Uncle
Bonnie and Bill Fagen, my cousin Francis Griess, my Grandma and Grandpa Johnson,
my sister Charline Wachs’ family, and my sister Donna Jones and her family. My
straight friends Jerry Smith, Mike Allred, and June Roberts also sent me cards.
Jerry I have known since childhood and June Roberts was a woman I helped with
her genealogy when I was a Mormon in California.
My
Gay “family” and friends also sent me cards. I received them from Allan
Peterson, Ray Von Nielsen, John reeves,
. Rev. Bruce Barton, Stephen Barer, Dave
reed, Steve Brackenbury, Ken Francis, Jim Hunsaker, Randy Olson, Rocky
O’Donovan and his boyfriend Robert Erichssen, Shawn Donnelly and his boyfriend Brent
Burch, and Melissa Sillitoe and her girlfriend Michelle Davies.
26 December 1988 Monday
It snowed off an d on all day and since it was a state holiday there wasn’t any bus
service to go anywhere. So I walked downtown
to buy a wall calendar for 1989 and went looking for a hat. I went to the
Crossroad Mall and returned my brown pair of shoe at Weinstocks and there I
looked everywhere for a hat. No hat. So I went to the ZCMI Mall across the
street and looked everywhere there for a hat. No hat. It was good to be out
even though it was cold and snowy.
In
the evening Michael Anderson called to visit. I could tell he was tipsy on
wine. We talked about hosting a “jack-off” party . For wild. We probably won’t do it but then it might be
kind of fun.
This
guy named Jeff called from the Man2Man dateline at 4:30 and asked if he could
come over. I said sure and he did at 6:30 this evening. He as a little nervous
and he came pretty quickly but still it was a pleasant experience.
Later
a man named Bill called and said he and his lover wanted to have a three way
with me. I like threesomes so I said great. So he’s coming over tomorrow.
Then
at 9:30 Jon Urban called and wanted to come see me. Since he’s my main sexual
partner right now, I said certainly. We fucked until he left at 10:30. He and I
are the most sexually compatible of
anyone I’ve been with. I wish I was more pragmatic and say that should be enough but it’s not. I
want someone that I can love and who
will love me back Someone to laugh with, play with, and someone who makes my
heart race each time I see him. Is there such a creature out there? Billy
Bikowski makes me lose all composure whenever I see that man but am I just being immature wanting someone
to love me?
27 December 1988 Tuesday-
This morning a guy named John from Sandy
called and want to come over for sex. I said okay but he never showed up. Bill the man who called for a threesome was supposed
to have come over at 1 but didn’t show
up until 3 in the afternoon so It was kind of a wasted day. however was kind of
fun just staying home and relaxing.
Bill
and his partner just wanted to take turns fucking me. They brought plenty of
condoms and lube so I thought they were going to take hours ha! However they
were satisfied in a half an hour. We all showered together in my tiny shower
which was almost as much fun. They want
to come over again tomorrow at 7.
In the evening trudge
through the snow to Crossroads Urban Center for the lasting meeting of Unconditional
Support for 1988. Allan Petersen called and said he couldn’t make it from Ogden
and Randy Olsen just never showed up. We had about 10 people tonight. Derek
Streeter brought Jeff Sewell. The topic of the meeting was Our Year In Review.
We discussed about all the functions we had and whether Unconditional Support’s
end and finally come. I definitely told the group I am stepping down.
Chuck Whyte said if Unconditional Support
folded this community would lose a great deal and sadly most of us don’t
realize the value of an organization until its gone. So True. About six of us
went to the movies for our last activity of the year. We saw a funny movie
called “Without a Clue” a kind of Sherlock Holmes flick with Michael Caine and
Ben Kingsley.
I didn’t get to bed
until nearly 11:30 tonight
28 December 1988 Wednesday-
I went out shopping again. I want a hat! I
took the bus down to Fashion Place mall where I found some after Christmas
bargains. I bought a hooded jacket at the Weinstocks down there for $30 marked
down from $65. I also bought a nice dress shirt for $19. Then at the Sears
there I bought some gray cowboy boots for waling in the snow that was on sale
for $55. I also bought another shirt and a brown pair of khaki pants both for
$30. I felt good about my new clothes and the bargains I found. I’ve gotten
mostly ray and earth tone clothing.
I
arrived back home in the mid afternoon and at 4 Ray Von Neilsen came over this to
discuss Unconditional Support. He wanted to know how involved was the position
of Director, I allayed his apprehensions and said that I would support him and
help him with the transition if he chose to run. I’m glad that God’s spirit
picked the next director instead of me having to beg someone. Ray will be a
better director because he stepped forward to serve rather than being asked. if
he volunteers first rather than waiting to be asked.
Bill
and his lover never showed so I didn’t want to sit around so I went for a walk
downtown to the Central library. It looks like little Siberia outside with huge
amounts of snow piled up. There’s only little narrow walkway trails on the sidewalk between piles of glistening
snow, The intersections where the snow plows have shoved up treacherously high
mounds are particularly dangerous. One wrong slip and down you would go.
At
the library, I cruised this one fellow and we went up to the 3rd
floor men’s room we masturbated. That
was an interesting diversion.
Back
at my apartment I watched some television. I watched Hooperman for the first
time and on it this handsome cop on the show who is openly Gay is trying to be seduced a
heterosexual female cop. I liked the show and I also watched The Wonder Years
which I liked too. It brought back
memories of the 1960s.
I
love my Bob Dylan album. “The times they are a-changing” and you don’t need a weatherman
to know which way the wind blows.”
Dan
Fanhndrich and I are planning a “jack
off” party for sometime in January.
There
was an article in the paper about Chuck Whyte being a VISTA volunteer at the
Crossroads Urban Center’s food pantry.
29 December 1988 Thursday-
I went up to the sauna in the HYPER
Building at the University of Utah. I
saw Todd from Logan again and of course we talked about Billy Bikowski. I’ll
never get over him until I leave Utah. I
also saw Jeff Reed who attended Beyond Stonewall last summer sweating in the
sauna. We talked about our teaching profession as he is an elementary teacher in the Granite School District. It
was good to talk to him about different aspects of teaching while being a Gay
man.
In the mail I received
a form from New Mexico on applying for a teaching license there. I also received
a check for $120 for attend the Drug Awareness workshop from earlier
Anyway I went to Gay
Fathers to meet up with John Bush about
Beyond Stonewall. We decided that there
wasn’t any pressing need to have more than two assistant directors and that he
and I really could do it ourselves with the help of a good steering
committee. John is going to talk to Guy
Larson about being chair of the hospitality committee and to Glen Camomile
about chairing the accommodations committee. I am going to talk to Neil Hoyt
about chairing the promotion committee and Jim Rieger or Becky Moss about doing
publicity. I will be the Program Events Director while John will be in charge
of registration and accounting. We agreed to meet again on the 16th with forms
ready to send out to the facilitators.
I gave Colin Campbell’s
check and registration form to John. He is so professional. We are lucky to
have him.
30 December 1988 Friday
I went downtown again to mainly cash the $120
check so I will have money for my eye doctor’s appointment tomorrow. At the
Golden Braid Bookstore on 2nd South I bought some scented oil called
“Spring Rain” that I hadn’t had for over two years. I saw an enamel brass ring
for $2 that I also liked and bought.
From
there I took the 9th East Bus to Gypsy Moon Emporium on 17th
South and 11th east. There I found a silver ring with a Celtic design
that had a purple Amethyst stone set in it. The ring drew me to it and I bought
it for $40 and I am absolutely pleased with it.
Judy Grahn who wrote Another Mother’s Tongue said that Gay people should
always wear purple somewhere on their body for protection at all times. I
believe that so now I have a purple stone. I wear a friendship bracelet that is
braided with purple, blue, and black threads but the ring is magical for me. I love
it. I never bought jewelry before in my life just for me except for my high
school class ring and my gold wedding
ring. At the central library
downtown, I went there to cruise and some guy there wanted to watch me beat off
and cum. Interesting.
In
the late afternoon, I received a phone call from a man I met last fall whom I
never expected to hear from again. He wanted to come over and we kissed and
mutually masturbated. I would have loved to have done more with him but he was
short on time but long on dick.
After
he left Chuck Whyte called to say that he wanted me to go with him out for New
Years Eve. So I guess tomorrow we will take a taxi down to Backstreet,
Ray
Von Nielsen dropped by to pick up some
gloves he had left here the other day. I imagine we will become closer
friends while working together in
Unconditional Support.
I
spent my evening waterproofing my cowboy boots. I have decided to try and become
a vegetarian this coming year and stop eating flesh. That and sugar too. I want
to clean up my head and body and soul. I
almost had my ear pierced the other day while at the mall. It’s not time yet to
make that Gay statement.
31 December 1988 Saturday
It’s 9:30 in the morning and I’m in Midvale
on 72nd South sitting in John’s Café home of the 99 cent breakfast. I
took the State Street bus do9wn for my eye examination this morning. The place
is packed with good Mormons flopping on a bargain meal like Newlyweds on a
waterbed. Heterosexuals all around me, men in plaid flannel shirts, sporting
wedding rings and bad hair cuts. They
are family men with their tired looking wives and wild behaving children. He heterosexual
sons are wearing Elmer Fudd hunting hats.
I’m
glad I love my Grandpa Johnson. He’s about as hetero as you can get and it’s
good to know that are decent loving
non-gay men in the world. It gives me hope in this world.
Anyway
I went to America Best across the street for an eye examination and I bought 2
pairs of eyeglasses for $50. It will take about 4 weeks for them to be ready.
I
didn’t get back home until almost 1 in
the afternoon. After Jim Hunsaker came down to use my phone, he took me to the
liquor store on 4th South to purchase some wine and vodka for
tonight.
Later
I caught a bus up to the HYPER Building
to sit in the sauna there. It felt wonderful. Jim came up later to sweat and
when he and I were done, he gave me a ride home.
I
didn’t do much else in the evening but
relax until I had to get ready to go out with Chuck Whyte. He came over to my
place and we called a taxi at 8:30 to take us to Backstreet. Besides the booze I had bought a pizza and
brought it with some candles to set up our table. However once there Chuck saw
some friends of his and we moved everything over to their table. There was a $5
cover charge that included a free
buffet, a male stripper show, and party favors.
Ray
Von Nielson joined our table and later
Eric Christensen did too . I drank a lot of wine and while dancing I kind of
became melancholy. I looked around and I thought where is Ken Francis, Eddie
Muldong and all the rest who were here a year ago. At that point I got really depressed.
At
Midnight, while all in the bar were singing Auld Lang Syne, I was trying to
hold back the tears. I miss John reeves, Mark Lamar, Ken Francis, Steve
Brackenbury, Billy Bikowski and all the rest so much I could just die.
I
was so blessed melancholy that I just held onto Eric Christensen. I first met
him in August 1986 when Billy invited me to a small dinner party he invited me
to at his place over on 11th East and 2nd South. Everything and everyone reminds me of Billy.
I am so lonesome for him I could break down and cry.
Well
it’s time to put 1988 to rest. I did some marvelous things this year and made
some mistakes. I guess that makes me human.
My
New Year’s resolutions are to be a vegetarian, to cut down if not eliminate
sugar from my diet, to attend more Gay organizations, and to leave Utah. Well
goodbye 1988. Goodbye, Goodbye, Goodbye my love, goodbye. It certainly was a
year of departures.
