1 October 1988 Saturday
I cleaned the apartment really good, dusting,
polishing, vacuuming, doing up the dishes, changing the bedding and mopping the
kitchen and bathroom. I finished making
out bills also this first of October.
In
the evening, I got dressed and ready for Dave Malmstrom for us to go out and
see “Bent”. I called him at 6 and all I
got was his answering machine. Around 7:15 I started to get nervous because we
had to be at the theater by 7:45 to pick up our reserved tickets. By 7:30 I was really deponent because I knew
by then he wasn’t coming over.
At
8 o’clock I was just sick that I was stood up and that I missed seeing “Bent.”
I couldn’t get a hold of Dave to find out why he didn’t shoe either.
I
then called Randy Olson thinking that perhaps we could go to the movies or
something so I wouldn’t have to sit home alone and be depressed. Well he gives
me this really lame excuse saying he had just eaten and didn’t like the way his
stomach pooched out! I thought, “you
asshole”. He can be really selfish and has never been much of a real friend to
me. I decided right then and there to cut him off just like Fran did her friend
Paulette Gasparac years ago who was never there for her either when she needed
her.
Anyway
rather than stay home, I walked downtown to Cinema In Your Face and saw “Mondo
New York.” It was really bizarre but made me want to go to New York City again
and really look around this time.
While
I was walking home on Broadway I was cruised and picked up by this guy who gave
me a ride home. I asked him into the apartment. It wasn’t until were about to
have sex, did he say that he was a bottom. Well I can do both but prefer to bottom myself so it wasn’t a
very interesting encounter. In fact
neither one of us seemed to be too interested.
Well I was tired and
still upset about being stood up, so I had him leave before neither one of us
climaxed.
I am so disappointed
in Dave Malmstrom. When I finally listened to my machine he had left a message
saying he was sorry but it was more like he had just blown the evening
off. I guess that meant me too.
2 October 1988 Sunday
I sat on the floor in the living room and
graded papers spread out on my coffee table so I could make out my mid-term progress
reports for my students. That took most of the morning adding up all the grades
on the calculator and finding an average for each kid.
In
the afternoon, I walked up to Memory Grove, stopping at Circle K first to get a
large diet Dr. Pepper drink and Sunday paper. The weather is still wonderful
and really like an Indian Summer, warm in the day and cool at night. The leaves
in City Creek Canyon are so beautiful with their hues of crimson, butternut,
orange, and brown.
There’s
a spot up the trail that is like a Gazebo that I like to sit and read. There I
met a man who wanted me to go up into the shrubs to watch me jerk off but I
wasn’t interested. I was quite content to sit and read the Sunday Paper and
drink my soda.
At
Memory Grove I did see Ken Bruck who gave me his new address and phone number
so we could stay in touch. He said that James Conrad is trying to get back
together with Frank Fatah who treats him like Billy Bikowski treats me.
I
also saw Bob McIntier at the park who gave me a ride home so I didn’t have to
walk the two miles back. He said last
weekend he was in Southern California for the Restoration Church’s Conference.
This weekend is LDS General Conference and next weekend will be Affirmations
Conference in West Hollywood.
Anyway,
I stayed home this evening as I didn’t had to do a KRCL radio program.
Yesterday I put a message on Man 2 Man but I
haven’t had any responses yet.
I
did call Mark Lamar to catch up with news. I told him about the divorce, the
IRS, about Billy Bikowski, Dave Malmstrom, and Randy Olson. All of it.
I
went to bed by 10 tonight.
3
October 1988 Monday-
Well in back in the classroom. I am
so glad that Monday is a short day with the kids who go home at 1:20 so we have
time to plan for the rest of the week. It hard to believe there’s been a month
of school already.
When
I was home I received a call from Kevin McCloskey who wanted to know if I wanted to go out for
a bite to eat with him. Since I am attracted to him and want to get to know him
better, I agreed. We went to this little
Japanese Place called the Mikado downtown on 1st South. And while it
was very good, it was too expensive for my taste but since Kevin is a lawyer he
probably thought nothing of it and he was treating me.
Anyway
he said Beau had been arrested for welfare fraud but was going to be released
on his own recognizance. He also said that the Utah Valley Men’s Group called
him to tell him that the BYU Standards Office had a change in policy and will
no longer allow BYU students to attend any Gay organizations. I wondered
how long it would be before the Mormon Church pulled the rug out.
This
last weekend was the Mormon Fall General Conference and in the news, several
demonstrators where outside Temple Square picketing, demanding that Gordon
Hinckley resigns because of immoral conduct.
Anyway
back at the Apartment, Kevin and I made out for about an hour but he was having
difficulties maintaining an erection so we just hugged and necked instead of
being intimate. He said he needed to be at his office at 10:30 anyway so I was
in bed by 11.
4
October 1988 Tuesday
Six this
morning came way too early and Susan and I stayed late at Sunset until 5 this
evening so I barely had time to get home and get things ready for Unconditional
Support tonight. We are meeting earlier at 7 now that fall is here and it’s
getting darker earlier.
I
had to lead the meeting of Unconditional Support because Eric Vaughn has taken
off and left Utah without telling anyone. Some much for his being flakey.
I
asked the question of the group of whether we were really a Gay community or
just individual people who happen to be homosexuals. Unfortunately two thirds
of meeting still rejected the idea that Salt Lake City has a viable Gay
Community.
Billy
Bikowski showed up at 9 just as the meeting was breaking up and while I acknowledged
his presence as I should as a group leader hugging everyone. However he stands around
trying to catch my attention and I realize Good God, he’s here to see me. I am
flustered so just begin cleaning up the room to think what’s the best way to
deal with him being here. Then he says :I have a present for you.” He hands me a small wrapped box and kisses me
on the cheek.
I
don’t know whether to open it or throw it back in his face but my love for him wins
out and I open it. Inside was a container of PMS Midol with a note with
directions saying take two when suffering from Bill. I didn’t even try to
interpret that riddle but this from a man who a week ago says he never misses
me.
Anyway
afterward, as a group we went to Dee’s on 4th South as always, but
the new manager there would not serve us. So we left and went to the Other
Place Café where the service was bad there that we waited 45 minutes for our
food and it was stone cold. I told Billy that “you don’t have to eat it or pay
for it. Let’s leave.”
So
we left and went to Burger King near the Juel Apartments. It pleased me so much
to be with Billy like no one else can. I know he needs a friend so much but can I be that friend and watch him fall
in and out of love with others knowing he never will with me? I think not. I
wish I had the strength to say I could. May be one day when I don’t love him
anymore but I don’t think that day will ever come. I never bothered finding out
what his present was all about unless he heard from Beau Chaine that I was
living on PMS Midol last summer up at Camp Rogers to deal with stress. It was probably just an excuse to use to get
me to talk to him. Nothing more.
Kevin
McCloskey was not at Unconditional Support tonight. He called me later to say
it was because a friend of his committed suicide up in the canyons yesterday.
Derek Streeter takes exception to everything I say at Unconditional Support and
stands up for the Mormon Church constantly. He is so fucked up. I mean
really.
5 October 1988 Wednesday
I just now starting to get phone
calls in response to my ad on Man2Man. Very interesting. I stayed home this
evening and graded papers and reading through their journaling essays. I found
out in them that three of my students may be moving, Kathleen Kelly, Jeremiah
Kite and Jimmy Knicely. I don’t care
that much if Jimmy moves but I would hate see to see Jeremiah and Kathleen
leave. I was kind of depressed even over the thought of them moving.
6
October 1988 Thursday-
I went to a Gay Fathers meeting
tonight where there was a good size turn out. I know several people who attend
aren’t fathers but are just attracted to the mature men there. Matt Wilson led
the meeting and we talked about Political Activism and about our heterosexual marriages.
After
the meeting I came right home and this guy named Jon Urban called me about my
Ad on Man2Man. He sounded interesting so I invited him over and we made love.
He was really, really great. At least for me and I think I was for him too.
After
we were done fucking we went into the front room and talked while sitting on
the couch. We discovered that we knew so many of the same people but we had
never met. He was even Lyle Bradley’s roommate so I must have seen him around.
It was nearly midnight before I went to bed.
I
heard at the Gay and Lesbian Community Council of Utah tonight that Monte
Montalvo of the chair of the Anti-Violence Project resigned. I think he was a
representative of the Wasatch Leather Men.
7
October 1988 Friday-
It was a bad day at school. Jeremiah
Kite, Jimmy Knicely, and Robert Harden were abusing this poor cat this morning and
the police was called on the, Susan McCoy came completely unglued but the Mr.
Olearain complimented me on how I handled the situation. But I was heart sick
over it because Jeremiah and Robert are mu favorite students. I find it amazing
that they were so deliberately cruel to this poor cat. I guess they almost
killed it
I
told them when I had them alone that I was too upset to yell at them. I said “the
only reason you were even able to get close to that cat was because it trusted
you and look how you treated that trust. It was a wicked thing what you did.” Another boy C.W. who is in Mrs.
McCoy’s class was not remorseful at all but my boys were. It was a hard day all
around because of this incident.
In
the afternoon for art I had the kids make 3 dimensional paper bats to bring
over to the 7-Eleven where the manager likes to display art projects from
Sunset Elementary. He gives out free coupons for slurpies for them.
Travis
Stevenson’s mom and Heidi Phelps’ dad met with me after school to discuss their
kids low midterm reports. I was so frustrated as they were suggesting that as a
new teacher I was at fault rather than their kids not doing their homework. I
was so rattled that when I left with Susan to go back to Salt Lake I ran off
and left my keys are work. I
had to have the manager let me in.
In
the evening I had a date with this guy named Dave that I met on Man2Man. We
went out to the movies and saw “Dead Ringer” with Jeremy Irons in it. I think
it was long and tedious more than it was scary.
Anyway
we came back to my apartment but he turned out to be garment wearing hung-up
Returned Missionary wimp afraid to do anything intimate. I had him leave anyway
because I needed to leave by 10:15 to walk to the Blue Mouse. There about 10
people showed up for the Unconditional Support night at the Rocky Horror Show.
It was wonderful as usual and we had
lots of fun. It is still Indian Summer out and the weather is so perfect.
When
I came home there was a message on the answering machine from Man2Man. This guy
named Aaron asked if he could come over which he did at 2 in the morning but he
was a pot head and couldn’t get it up so nothing happened and I sent him on his
way and went to bed.
8
October 1988 Saturday-
I slept in until 10 this morning and
then took the bus up to the HYPER building on campus. I weighed in at 193
pounds and was disappointed I hadn’t lost more weight from all the walking I do.
Well it’s better to be losing than gaining.
I sat in the sauna and relaxed. School is back in session and the sauna
was too filled to have any encounters but the scenery was nice for sure. This
one kid laid out flat on the spot above me naked as a jaybird and that was nice
to see him but didn’t dare to anything.
Back
at the apartment I thought it’s time to bring out my Halloween decorations of
ceramic pumpkins, and other paraphernalia that I keep. Halloween is my favorite
holiday and always has been since I was a kid.
In
the evening I had just planned on staying home after my adventures yesterday. I
was watching one of the new shows Empty Nest when Chuck Whyte called and wanted
me to go with him and Mason Rankins to register people to vote at the bars. We
went to the In-Between where I was only able to register 2 people to vote so I
went home about 10:30.
At
home Jon Urban who had come over the other night called and asked if he could
come over. I said sure. He’s such a great lover but I am not ready for a
relationship, relationship other than perhaps a fuck buddy but he is really
good.
9 October 1988 Sunday
I went to Memory Grove and spent
most of the day there as it was
absolutely gorgeous out. I even managed to get a little sun. I just need to get
away any pressure and everything just to relax and decompress.
Becky
Moss didn’t call this evening to tape a program for Concerning Gays and
Lesbians so I didn’t go out or even to Affirmation. I am still upset with Dave
Malmstrom blowing me off about going to see “Bent” but mostly I am tired of the
Mormon hang-ups when I am so over them.
I
was really tired and worn out by Jon Urban’s lovemaking last night and I wasn’t
going to walk all the way to either KRCL or Affirmation.
10
October 1988 Monday-
Nothing
major at school today thank Gawd, except I had a meeting after school let out
with my “room moms” to plan classroom parties for Halloween, Thanksgiving, and
Valentines.
In
the evening I took the bus to the Lesbian and Gay Student Union on campus to see how they are doing. It’s been
months since hearing from anyone from there. Loud mouth effete George Marshall
was still there lashing out at every one with what he calls a wit. Since Chris
Brown is no longer in charge, no one at LGSU wants to run the meeting per se so
they are considering having a co-presidency. May be that’s a good thing but it shows
that there is no leadership among those attending this semester.
11 October 1988 Tuesday-
It’s the first
anniversary of the March on Washington and the AIDS Quilt is being shown there.
Today activists shut down the FDA for dragging its feet approving drugs for
AIDS carriers. Reagan was burned in effigy and the police used plastic gloves
to arrest people. Sadly this protest made more local news here in Utah then the
National March did last year. The oppressor only responds to a dramatic show of
force be that militaristic or passive resistance.
At school we had an assembly in the afternoon about
cruelty to animals. It had a profound effect on my students I could tell.
I didn’t get home until nearly 6 this evening and now
that Unconditional Support is meeting at 7 , I had to hustle. I had to go to
Albertson’s in 2nd South to get refreshments and then be at
Crossroads Urban Center to open the meeting. The topic today was National Coming Out Day. We
had several new people and I stirred up a lot of people and
challenged their fears about coming out. It was a good meeting. There were
30 people at Unconditional Support and we raised $35.00 to give to Beau Chaine
for the Gay Help Line.
I
heard that Derek Streeter and Jeff Sewell were in a car accident on Sunday down
in Los Angeles where they had gone for the Affirmation Conference. They weren’t
hurt but Derek wrecked his expensive new car. Why am I smiling? I bet Derek could have funded the Gay Help
Line for three months on what he will have to pay ion the repairs for his new
toy. Why are Mormons and Americans in general so materialistic?
Today was National Coming Out Day. I heard there was
a rally at the Federal Building on State Street and 1st South with
about 45 people showing up. That was excellent for Utah. John Bennett spoke and told the local news
that he is the grandson of the man whom this federal building was named after,
Wallace F. Bennett.
12
October 1988 Wednesday-
It was rainy
all day in Sunset. Tomorrow starts a four day weekend. Yay! I had the kids make
skeleton mobiles in art and went over the major bones for a health lesson on
the skeletal system. Kathleen Kelly checked out of school today so I only have
28 students now. I’ve decided to take away the kid’s afternoon recess because
they have been so wild.
After school, I walked Jeremiah Kite
and Robert Harden over to where the owner of the cat lived and they apologized.
At home David Sharpton called me tonight with some gossip from the
Affirmation Conference. He said that Russ Lane and Chuck Thomas have broken up and
Chuck now has moved in with Dave Malmstrom. I just howled. I thought it was so
funny thinking Chuck must like being a boyfriend with directors of Wasatch
Affirmation. But Russ is now with some kid he met from Mexico so he should be
happy. Russ has also
stepped down from being director of
the National Affirmation.
David
said that he saw Billy Bikowski at the Interfaith Conference on AIDS at which
he spoke. Dave was being cute like he does with me and said to Billy, “Hello
Sister Bill.” I guess that really offended him and said so to David. How
bizarre.
Jon
Urban is coming over to make love tonight. Yay. I’m reading André Gide’s “Corydon”.
He thinks heterosexuality is just a
social construct and that homosexuality is natural in all civilizations. It’s
good.
13
October 1988-Thursday
There was no school today because of
the Utah Education Association’s conference and the deer hunt. So I went to
Valley bank first thing to take care of
some Beyond Stonewall business. I took Mike Buck and John Reeves officially off
the Beyond Stonewall checking account and transferred the funds into a savings
account to be seed money for next year.
Ben Barr gave me a ride home since he saw me
waiting for a bus and asked me if I was going to the Utah Education Association
Conference because he had an AIDS information booth and asked if I would sit in
at it. I said certainly.
Down
at the UEA Conference that was held in the Salt Palace, I walked around and
looked at most of the booths and what people had to offer.
In the evening I went to Gay Fathers because I
was asked to give a talk on Gay Activism. The group is now being run by John
Bush and Matt Wilson as co-directors. While there I asked John Bush if he would
be willing to be an assistant director with me for Beyond Stonewall next year
in lieu of Mike Buck who resigned. He agreed to be on board.
There
was a candlelight vigil on the Utah State Capitol’s steps for the Third Annual AIDS
Awareness Week.
Eighty-nine white bags containing candles in the shape of a heart were placed
on the State Capitol steps.
14 October 1988
Friday-
I went back down to the Utah Education
Association Conference at the Salt Palace and helped staff the Salt Lake AIDS
Foundation’s booth. I also looked around some more. Governor Bangerter is mad
that he wasn’t invited to speak at the conference. Last year he was asked to
attend but didn’t. This state is so
anti-union.
I
took the bus to the HYPER building on campus and even though I was on a diet
all last week I gained 2 pounds! Disappointing but at least I still must be
healthy.
Anyway,
this evening was kind of fun. I decided to go see “The Last Dance of Salome” at
Cinema In Your Face and while I was
walking down, Ben Barr again saw me and gave me a ride. Once at the theater I
saw that I was too early so I walked over to the Blue Mouse. On the way over I
came across Craig Hunter and Adrian Ruiz having dinner together on the patio at
the Cedars of Lebanon. I stopped to visit and got Craig’s new phone number.
That made me happy seeing them.
At
the Cosmic Aeroplane, I looked at the books in their Gay section and then
walked back over to Sam Weller’s Bookstore on Main Street. I want to read
“Mormon Murders” and “Salamander” really
a lot. They are about the Mark Hoffman bombings.
Anyway
I went back to Cinema In Your Face at 9:30 there I saw Gary and Ron Richardson
and they had me come sit with them. I hadn’t seen them in a long time either. They
are graduating from college this year. Salome was really bizarre as is most of
Ken Russell’s films are but I liked it a lot.
After
the show that got out at 11:30 I started walking home on Broadway and Main when
I see Elbert Peck out walking. He was so surprised to see me. We walked back to Bandaloops that was still
open to visit and catch up with things. He had just gotten back from touring
England and he said he had just come from some party where he had received some
award of some type for journalism or writing. I can’t remember which. Elbert is the editor of the Sunstone
Magazine. We played “strip gin” cards at Bandaloops and it was so much fun
seeing Elbert. It’s been over 15 years since was first met as college lads in
Heleman Halls at BYU.
Anyway
at midnight after having coffee, we walked back downtown and he went his way
and I went mine. As I was nearing home I saw Kevin Clark and Danny Brujillo
driving by and when they saw me they pulled over to talk to me. So it was a
weird night all evening long of running into people I hadn’t seen in a
while. That was lots of fun. Kevin and Danny invited me over for dinner
tomorrow.
I
didn’t make it to bed until after 1:30.
Yesterday my lover Jon Urban came over. It’s really a nice arrangement.
He’s really great in bed and there’s no head games.
15 October 1988
Saturday-
I cleaned the apartment but mostly just got
ready for dinner with Kevin Clark and Danny Brujillo. They came and picked me
up and at their place Dale Zellmer and his boyfriend Ned joined us. It was good to be vesting with all of them.
Afterwards at 8:30 in the evening Danny Brujillo. Kevin
Clark, and Dale Zellmer took me to the Unitarian Church to help get the
community dance ready. It was Affirmation’s time to host the dance.
However Dave
Malmstrom said that he had just worked a 24 hour shift and said that he was
really exhausted so I basically watched the door, took the money, and stayed
until 1 in the morning to clean up.
At the dance Dave and I made some plans for
the Thanksgiving Community Dinner and for a Dance for the 24th of
November. I talked to Chris Brown briefly about it even though he’s technically
not the President of the Lesbian and Gay Student Union anymore. But probably will have
Affirmation bring plates, drinks, and set up the tables. Maybe I can get
the Youth Group and Gay Father’s involved also.
Each organization
made $20 off the dance tonight. That will help pay for our Gay Information
Line. $50 went to the Unitarian Church to rent the hall and we paid Richard
Morris $20 for doing the music.
I got some juicy
information from Rocky O’Donovan. He’s been doing research on Gay History in the Mormon Church from
1847-1947. He’s done research in the church’s archives and lots of
interviews. Anyway he gave a talk at the National Affirmation Conference in
California last week on some of his research and when he returned home last
Tuesday he found a note on his door. It was from a friend of his who works at
the Mormon archives who warned him that he had been banned from the archives.
Rocky
went down to see the head of church security to find out why he would be banned
from doing research in the church’s archives. The goon basically told him to
shut up and that the archives were a private collection and they can do
whatever they like with it.
Getting
nowhere there, Rocky then went and talked to Steve Sorenson who is the head of
the archives. Sorenson confirmed that Rocky was indeed on a list of people
banned from using the archives and Sorenson said it came from the highest
authority. Evidently the Mormon Church had a spy at the Affirmation
Conference in Los Angeles who reported on Rocky’s talk back to his bosses.
In
Rocky’s talk, he insinuated that his research indicated that Joseph Fielding
Smith, Mormon Patriarch of the church in the 1940’s, and Richard L. Evens, a
general authority who did the spoken word for years, were homosexuals.
This and
the picketing down at temple square calling for the resignation of Gordon B.
Hinckley for homosexual immoral conduct must have raised the ire of some pretty
important Mormon big shots.
Evidently
there is this man named Charles Van Dam from Arizona who is making accusation
that he and Hinckley, back in 1962, had sexual relations. Van Dam is now dying
of AIDS and was excommunicated personally from the Mormon Church by Hinckley.
Whatever is true, I guess the Mormon mucky-mucks are afraid of another scandal
on the heels of the Mark Hoffman fiasco that verification of any of this
information might bring about.
So the
Zion Curtain has come down again. Rocky said that he heard from his friends at
BYU that the university has begun a crack down on the Gays there again.
16
October 1988 Sunday-
I called John Reeves in Boston this
afternoon. He said that he was working two jobs but still is hopeful that he
will be hired in a teaching position in Washington DC. I told him about what is going on here and he
filled me in on what he’s heard about what’s happening at BYU. He said that his friends from the Utah Valley
Men’s Group said that BYU is threatening Gay students with expulsion unless
they agree to undergo a treatment they call “Reorientation Therapy”. I
cringed when I heard that. Aversion Therapy rears its ugly head again.
BYU’s
goon squads are also copying down license plate numbers parked at Gay Bars, and
Gay organizations, and cruising spots to match against their records. John
Reeves said to watch out for informants because BYU is sending spies to Gay
Organizations and general practicing unethical, immoral and fascist behavior
again doing the “Lord’s Work.” Geoff McGrath President of the Utah Valley
Men’s Group has already been called in to standards.
Jon
Urban called in the afternoon and wanted to come over to see me. We made love
for most of the afternoon
I
walked up to Affirmation in the evening where they were having a reorganization
meeting. I wanted to be there for that. Neil Hoyt and I had to leave at
8:30 to get to Back Street for the Annual Unity Show but before I left I said
my piece. I said that the Wasatch Affirmation did not descend from heaven
carved in stone. It was created by people like Russ Lane and you and me. We
created it and we can make it into anything we want.
Russ
Lane did a superb job in organizing the Wasatch Chapter but I personally feel that
his vision was flawed. It’s time to correct that. Affirmation can continue to
be just a “holding pen” for Mormons who are unwilling to deal with their
Gay identity or it can become what I think it should be, a First Aid Station
for the Mormon walking wounded helping them make the transition into a healthy
Gay self image. Its war time folks and lots of people are bleeding.
Anyway
as I was leaving, Billy Bikowski gets up and stops me. He asked me where I was
going and I said I had to be at the Unity Show to represent Unconditional
Support. He then surprised me by holding me and asking how I was . I said
lonesome for you. I then brushed the hair off his brow and kissed it as I left
to go with Neil Hoyt to Backstreet.
Chuck
Whyte presented his 7th Annual Unity Show, a variety
performance to unify the Gay community. I sat with Chris Brown and Mark Kraft.
Neil Hoyt performed for Affirmation and his number was cute. Dr. Patty Reagan
spoke for the Salt Lake AIDS Foundation and she was great as always but I was
tired and I left for home at 10:30.
I’m
not writing anything for the Triangle this month. They can either publish what
I wrote for the October Issue and didn’t print or do without. I’m not going to
advertise the Thanksgiving dinner with them either.
17
October 1988 Monday-
It’s really hard to go back to work
after a four day weekend. I was tired all morning, actually all day because I
didn’t get much sleep last night and 6 in the morning comes early. Thank
goodness it just a half day today.
Anyway
after school , I was finally able to deposit some checks, I had been hanging on
to for a while.
At
6 this evening Scott from the Gay Fathers gave me a ride down to Provo so I
could be a guest speaker at the Utah Valley Men’s Group. I gave a talk on Gay
History and Gay Liberation Through Political Activism. The Utah Valley
Men’s Group is under attack by BYU’s goon squad. Standards have been copying
down license plates of cars with BYU parking stickers and I.D. number of cars
parked at the group meeting and compiling a list of people attending the group.
The
Men’s Group responded, by sending a letter to the Standard’s Office requesting
a copy of BYU’ new policy, which was refused naturally. However. unbeknownst to
BYU, the group acquired a copy anyhow from a Gay man who works in the office.
Well my talk went well, if long. Beau Chaine and Mike Howard attended the
meeting. It was good to see Mike again. I love his scrawny butt from our
Restoration Church days.
Anyway
Scott got me home by 10 and I was in bed by 10:30. I am so tired. Scott is a
nice man but no intellectual. He’s not out of the closet either in any
political sense. In fact he reminds me a lot of my sister Charline, kind of
boring but sweet.
18
October 1988 Tuesday-
It was a bad
day at Block Rock. The kids were so resentful of not having their second
recess. It was not a pretty sight. From reading the kids daily journals, they
are pretty explicit in their feelings.
Anyway, Allan
Petersen couldn’t make it to Unconditional Support tonight so I led the meeting
on “Pro and Anti-Gay Rhetoric”. Dale Zellmer announced at the meeting that he
has full blown AIDS. He found out just last weekend.
After
the meeting Billy Bikowski came in and sat next to me which took me by
surprise. I fell into the trap of stroking his hair and wanting to hold him. He
then says to me “I’m feeling uncomfortable with the affection you are showing
me.” Reality hit me again.
So
I went back to the group and hugged people. I did my Ben duties. I then pushed
everyone out of the Urban center so I could lock up and there outside Billy was
waiting for me. I was not going to Dee’s for coffee and I really didn’t want to
be with him but he walked with me on my way back to my apartment. I just shut
my feelings down and when we did talk to each other it was meaningless. Inside
the building, we stopped at my door. He hesitated
so I asked him to come in. he said no. I said I was only being polite anyway. I
really didn’t care.
I
went to bed at 9:30 but my head is swimming with thoughts of Billy.
19 October 1988 Wednesday
Although I went to bed early last
night, it was after 11 before I fell asleep and 6 in the morning came too
early.
On
the ride to Sunset I talked to Susan McCoy about switching Heidi and Ernest in
each of our classes to see if that would correct their behavior problems. At
school we talked as a class about why the last recess was suspended and how
they could solve the problem. I had the kids write down the names of who they
thought were the worst offenders. I could see a definite pattern who even the
class thought were trouble makers. Actually I knew who they were before I even
had the results back. I will just keep
those kids in until their behavior improves and let the rest out.
20
October 1988 Thursday-
After
coming home from work, I just stayed in and watched some television. I think I
am trying to fight off either hay fever or another cold. I really didn’t do a
heck of a lot.
I did get a call from Theresa Watanabe, a reporter from the San Jose Mercury News. She called
me about a news story she was doing on Gay
Mormons and Gordon B. Hinckley.
Later
in the evening a frightened Rocky O'Donovan came over to my apartment with a
copy of the research he has been doing. He asked me if I would keep a
copy to hide it from church security, who have been trailing him. The Church’s
goon squad have interrogated some of Rocky’s intelligential friends who are
part of the Mormon Historical Underground. This one friend of his
was interrogated for 1 and ½ hours on what she knew about Rocky O'Donovan. They
were threatening her with blackballing her from the archives also if she didn’t
cooperate. Rocky said his friends are frightened by all the harassment the
Church Security is giving them because they know him.
This
kid named DeVere from Tooele called me on Man2Man and asked me out on a date
tomorrow.
21 October 1988 Friday
It’s still beautiful fall weather
and in the mid seventies. It’s been a wonderful fall weather-wise.
When
I came home from work, I straightened up the place some and got ready for my
date with DeVere. He came over at 8 this evening right after having an
encounter with this guy named Tim.
DeVere
and I went to see Halloween Part IV which was filmed here in Utah up in the
Avenues. It was pretty predictable and had none of John Carpenter’s flair.
After
the movie, we came back home and we made out. We tried having sex but DeVere
was too uptight.
22 October 1988 Saturday
It was a lazy day. I took the bus out
to Valley Fair Mall and walked around looking at clothes and what the fall
fashions are. I went to the show and saw “Crocodile Dundee” for a buck. It’s deer
hunting season. I hate Utah’s deer hunt.
I
stayed home this evening and watched television. It’s my nieces 17th
birthday and Grandpa Williams would have been 86 today.
23
October 1988 Sunday
Fran called to visit. I sent her the
Family Health Plan Insurance card so she has health insurance. She said she and
Vince wet over to Lionel and Linda Suazo to make arrangements for them to pay
that $1000 phone bill. I think Vince is so good for Fran and she said that se
and Vince would eventually get married. I am happy about that.
Mark
Lamar called from Indiana saying he’s living in Indianapolis now and is doing
okay.
In
the late afternoon Dave Malmstrom, John Bush and I met for our first official
Beyond Stone ’89 meeting. Basically we talked in kitchen of the Unitarian
Church and went over the outline John Reeves had laid out for Beyond Stonewall
’88. We decided that the three of us would be the General Directors. I would be
the Executive Director and John and Dave Assistant Directors. Our next meeting
will be on Sunday November 13th. I will bring checking signature
cards for Dave and John then so they can be on the account.
At
Affirmation tonight Dave Sharpton said that a new piece of legislation being
drafted is again trying to push for mandatory reporting of HIV positives to the
state. A video of the movie Maurice was shown tonight so Dave Malmstrom
and I left and went and got some coffee.
The
AIDS Project Utah’s AIDS Awareness
Week Benefit was canceled tonight and people from that community are
ready to lynch Richard Starley. I don’t know how he thought he could have put
on a major function with no Gay community support. He’s alienated everyone from
the Gay community by sucking up to the Straight Community.
Randy
Olson is going to the meeting with the Bureau of Epidemiology as a
representative for Unconditional Support this Wednesday.
In
the polls George Bush is running ahead of Dukakis and I’m afraid we might be in
for four more years of Republican corruption like with Contra Aid and the CIA
scandal. It scares the hell out of me to have that former CIA bastard trying to
run the show.
24
October 1988 Monday-
I am tired this morning. I am so
glad that school was over by 1:30. We had a meeting with Jack Olearain, my
principal about what I need to prepare for my review this November. Ugh.
Anyway
I came home wanting to just unwind and stay home to watch some television when Dean Shutes and Rick Malkovich called
and wanted to know how to get to the Lesbian and Gay Student Union . Dave
Sharpton was the guest speaker there tonight. There was no way I could simply
tell them how to get there so I said if they would come get me I would go up
with them to Orson Spencer Hall.
I
was kind of glad I did because I found out who the new leaders of LGSU are.
They Liz Pitts, Garth Chamberlain, Joe Dewey and a gal named Lisa. I don’t think I can work with Garth or Joe
but I think Liz is a wonderful choice. I
don’t know who Lisa is.
David
Sharpton said another bad mandatory reporting bill is coming before the
legislature in January that the Gay community should be alarmed about.
At
the meeting I talked briefly to Chris Brown about the Halloween Dance this
Saturday. The Lesbian and Gay Student Union is in charge of it but Chris Brown is not in
charge of the Lesbian and Gay Student Union anymore so I wonder how that will
go. So I don’t know what will happen with the Community Dances and Events we
jointly sponsored.
Garth Chamberlain is no longer running the
Youth Group. I heard Melissa Sillitoe and her girlfriend Michelle Davies are the
main leaders now if not officers.
When
I came home and was just getting ready for bed, I received a call on the
Man2Man date line who sounded interesting so I agreed for him to come over. His
name is Curtis Scott originally from Tooele. He was incredible. He was a tall
cowboy with black hair, blue eyes, and was a fantastic lover.
After
he was spent, we were relaxing in each other’s arms and we began to talk about
how familiar we seemed to each other. Then I said, “I remember where I know you
from.” When Fran worked at that Acrylic Nail place near Valley Fair Mall, three
years ago, he worked there as a tanning booth operator. He and Fran were movie buddies. He only saw
me a few times when I went to pick Fran up from work, but he remembered Fran
really well. I thought he was extremely handsome back then when he was about 20
years old but he has filled out now and is gorgeous. We laughed about Salt Lake City being a small
world.
Curtis
stayed until 12:30 in the morning after giving him a good massage. He said he
was tired from having gone deer hunting. I hope we can go a movie sometime and
become good friends or lovers.
25
October 1988 Tuesday-
I was dragging ass all day at work
from getting to bed so late and at 6 in the morning now it’s pitch black out .
Even though I was extremely tired, I was in a very good mood and smiling all
day from the good loving I received last night.
I
didn’t get home from Sunset until 5:30 in the late afternoon. I had to drop my
library books off at the central library and that also took some time. I
finished reading John DeMilio’s Sexual
Politics and Sexual Communities. A must reading! Absolutely
transforming.
Then
I made about five dozen chocolate chip cookies for Unconditional Support. Scott
from the Anti-Violence Project was our speaker tonight. It was an
emotional topic and pulled up some deep feelings. Rick Malkovich at one point
in the meeting started berating me and said he didn’t like me forcing my
political ideas down everyone’s throat. I defended myself by responding that I
don’t believe I do that. I always preface my responses by saying “this is how I feel” and I’m entitled to my views as much as you
are to yours.”
Unconditional Support has always been an open
forum where Gay people talk about everything and anything without restriction.
I may have had a few detractors tonight, most noticeably Mark Kraft and Derek
Streeter, but I had many defenders too. I love the dynamics of stirring people
out of their complacency.
I
said told my critics, “You come to
Unconditional Support because of what you find here which you don’t find
anywhere else in Utah. You talk about things here you could never talk to your
families, church leaders, and non-Gay friends.” I was not about
to apologize for my Liberationist views for they liberate myself as well as the
group.
It’s
funny how some people will criticize liberals like myself who create forums
for views like Rick’s, while his narrow
conservative defeatism would never allow a forum for my views. I did however say
to dissidents “If Unconditional
Support does not meet your needs by all means create a new organization that
will but don’t go tearing me down.”
When
I found that there were organizations that I didn’t feel comfortable being in,
I didn’t change them to suit me. I created organizations that might
attract like minded people.
I
will not allow emotionally dysfunctional people to destroy Unconditional Support.
If they choose to follow their internal homophobic path, fine, but I do not
choose to go down that road. I think I
was a little more vocal tonight because I was tired. I didn’t go out to coffee but went right
home.
Ben Barr then called me to give me names of
people who want to do some AIDS quilt panels for the Utah AIDS Memorial Quilt
Project. There is a renewed interest in the project now that the Names Project
will be bringing portions of the quilt to Utah as part of a national
tour.
I
talked to Chuck Whyte the other day about meeting with Bruce Harmon for an
accounting of the money we raised last Spring. It’s about $300 and is just
sitting in an account somewhere. We have not had a formal meeting of the AIDS
Quilt Project since last April.
I
tried going to bed early tonight but David Sharpton called me about 10 needing
to talk. He just had his lover Rob evicted from the apartment by the police
when Rob started beating up on David again. The police told Rob, “Obviously
you can’t deal with the fact you are Gay and its cowardly to strike someone
with AIDS who is weaker than you.” Well that ends the sad tale
of Rob and Dave.
26
October 1988 Wednesday-
School was fine and we had an
assembly on Nancy Reagan’s “Say No to Drugs”.
Becky Moss called me this evening and said she missed me
and my input on Concerning Gays and Lesbians. I told her I missed doing the
show. I then told her that Affirmation has been going through some changes and
I felt I needed to be there for that but now I am ready to get back on the air
waves. She said the new guy Jim Rieger is absolutely wonderful and has the
engineering aspect of the show down pat so Becky Moss can take an evening off
and we can still do a show. Yay.
I
had planned on staying home and going to bed early but a man named Kevin who I met at the
library about three weeks ago called and asked me out on a date tomorrow.
Then
when I was about to get into bed at 9, Jon Jacobs Schilds, a man I know
casually from Affirmation knocked on my door. He said he was in trouble, He had
been arrested in the park and needed someone to talk with. He stayed for about
an hour pouring out his woes. I advised him to call my lawyer friend Kevin
McCloskey and don’t do anything drastic. I told him to draw upon the inner strength
he has and rely on his faith in Jesus Christ.
Jon
seemed to have been comforted so I told him I had to get some sleep and he left
at 10. When I was about asleep the phone rang. It was Jon Urban my Jewish
lover. He woke me from my sleep and I was really groggy. I said I was too
exhausted to get together but after I hung up and was now awake, a man named
Renn called from the Man2Man dateline.
Well
I was up now and he seemed interesting, so I agreed for him to come over. We
made love until midnight and then he left and I was finally able to get some
sleep. Renn was nice but there was no
chemistry like with Curtis Scott. Jon is also great in bed but not like Curtis.
In
the news the Soviet Union and the United States worked together to free two
trapped whales in the arctic circle. George Bush is a head of Mike Dukakis in
the polls. God help us.
27
October 1988-Thursday-
After I came home from work, I got
cleaned up for my date with Kevin but he never called and I was stood up. I was
slightly disappointed but I was tired too from school so I was just as glad I
didn’t go out.
Today
is Chuck Whyte’s birthday and Matt Wilson was hosting a Halloween Party for Gay
Fathers and while I was invited I didn’t go because I had kept expecting Kevin
to show up. .
28 October 1988 Friday
Our
school pictures came back today and I
was really pleased with mine . It turned out well. I witnessed a really bad
accident on the way home from work with Susan McCoy. A car swerved on the
shoulder of the off ramp, spun around and collided with a truck, then flipped
over. We stopped and fortunately as far as we could tell no one was seriously
hurt. We left out names with the police for their report.
At home, I sat down and wrote both
Mom and Grandma Johnson a letter enclosing a photograph of me.
I
planned on just staying home all night but Satu Servigna called and asked if I
would help put flyers on cars at the bars. I said I would but I was later
relieved when I didn’t have to after all.
I
am on such a feeding frenzy lately. I don’t know why. I’ve surely gained 10
pounds this week. I bought two large
pizzas Oink Oink. Well I can’t hate myself for it and I should and do thank God
that I am gaining weight and not losing it because of illness. People with AIDS
can’t keep weight on.
29
October 1988 Saturday-
I bought a UB40 Compact Disc today.
It’s the first CD I’ve ever bought even though I don’t own a CD player just a
record player.
The
Halloween Community Dance began at tonight. I asked Randy Olsen to have me
there by 8 so I could set up. But he never showed so thank goodness Eric
Christensen came by and took me up to the Unitarian Church.
The
Lesbian and Gay Student Union had hardly
done any decorating so I am glad I brought all my Halloween paraphernalia. I
made homemade root beer with dry ice and again hardly anyone brought
refreshments. We had about 50 people there or more We made enough money to hold
a dance in November and December.
I
dressed in Mike Anderson’s old sheep costume. It was very cute.
The
dance lasted until 1:00 in the morning and I was kind of out of it all evening so I didn’t
much care about the dance although it looked like people were having fun. I
stayed until 2 in the morning cleaning up and Neil Hoyt took me home.
We
turn the clocks back tonight.
30
October 1988 Sunday-
I tried cleaning up the apartment
but I sometimes think What’s the use? Mike Anderson and I talked on the phone
for a long time this afternoon. He has the blues because he doesn’t have a
lover. What is going on with me having too many men over for sex?
I
did two radio programs with Becky Moss and Jim Rieger, one on Unconditional
Support and the other was on Political
Activism since the elections are next week. So now we won’t have to come back to the
studio until November 13th.
31
October 1988 Monday-
Today is Halloween
and it’s a beautiful warm fall day. the kids were so cute in their Halloween
costumes they wore at school. Nathan and Jeremiah Kite both came in drag. The
room mothers provided cookies and punch for a Halloween party in the afternoon.
I read to the class The Legend of Sleepy Hallow.
I was awfully tired from today when
I came home. I did not plan on going out at all for any Halloween
activities. John Reeves called me from
Boston and it sounded like things were fine back there. He’s just a biding his
time until something opens up for him.
I stayed home and watched Nightmare On elm Street
when at 9 Rocky O'Donovan and his boyfriend
Robert Erichssen came over to discuss Rocky’s idea of forming a Gay
Archives. We tossed around a couple of ideas with my suggestion that we
form a Gay Historical Society and Archives.
I
wanted Rocky to be the director because I am way over committed but I said I
would be his assistant director and Robert agreed to serve as
Secretary/Treasurer. I want to do some oral histories with early pioneers of
the Gay community and learn more of our early traditions. I’m glad we got
together on Halloween to start this because as far as I am concern Halloween is
the end of one year and the beginning of another.
Today
is Dan Fahndrich’s birthday.
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