1 Feb 1988 Monday-
After work I had to get ready for the AIDS Quilt
meeting. Bruce Harmon brought a set agenda and kept the meeting brief. We voted
ourselves as the Board of Directors tonight with Bruce Harmon as Chair, Rocky
O'Donovan as Clerk, and Denny McCafferty as Secretary/Treasurer. Other
members of the board included Barbara Stockton, John Bennett, Ben Barr, Chuck
Whyte and Ralph K. Placer and myself.
Rev. Bruce Barton sat in on the meeting but
chose not to serve on the board since he is so over committed. Bruce
Harmon developed a flow chart to determine the specific expertise that the
committee needs. We also discussed Gay Night at the Water Slide. Terrie
Thompson didn’t show up so I said I would go to Ogden on Wednesday to pick up
the tickets. If Terrie doesn’t have tickets for us we will make our own.
Chuck Whyte found out that a Post Office Box
downtown will cost $11 and Denny McCafferty said he would cover the cost. Rocky
O'Donovan donated a buck. I told the committee that Mark Lamar is working on
the non-profit incorporation papers. I also suggested also that we get an
entrance form for the Days of 47 Parade for the AIDS Quilt. Even if they turn
us down it will still be great publicity..
Ralph Place showed the logo for the AIDS Quilt
and is going to have buttons made to sell. So we are on a roll. Our next meeting is next Monday and I have to
have a statement of purpose written by then.
After the meeting ended at 7, Rev. Bruce Barton, Bruce Harmon, Barbara
Stockton and I rushed over to Satu Servigna’s place for a monthly Triangle
Staff meeting. My feature columns will have to be in to Brook Hallock, the
feature editor by the 10th and my news articles have to be in by the
15th and given to Ralph Goff. I also took a box of Triangle
magazines to distribute at KRCL and at Unconditional Support.
I was home by 9 so I called John Reeves to
visit. He said that he's had some positive experiences happen to him today. Plus
he met with someone who asked him to talk in a March forum on Homosexual Rights
. Plus he met with a couple of guys from the Utah Valley’s Men Group. We didn't
get to talk as much as I wanted as he had to go to bed. I did ask him to write
occasionally for the Triangle Magazine. It was a busy day and I have a lot to
do this week.
2 February 1988 Tuesday-
It's my cousin Gregory
Williams' 26th birthday had he lived. At work Bob Elcock and Donna are leaving
on a cruise so they will be gone for two weeks. Wonderful.
After work I went to KRCL on 7th South and
dropped off about 100 copies of the Triangle.
At Unconditional Support tonight it was a
different kind of crowd. Younger crowd. Kind of a “Do me group”. I gave
a lesson on the Stonewall Rebellion and I was so surprised by how the
majority of the group had never heard of it. It will my personal crusade to
make sure the Gay community of Utah knows what Stonewall means.
After the meeting some of us went to Dee’s on 4th
South for coffee. I saw Neil Hoyt tonight who attends the Utah Valley Men’s
Group down in Orem. We firmed up our date for Friday. John Reeves said he
would go with me to Ogden tomorrow to pick up the Waterslide tickets.
3 February 1988 Wednesday-
I talked to Terrie Thompson today about the tickets for the
Waterslide event. She said they will be ready tomorrow so I didn't have to go
up to Ogden after all.
During my lunch break, I listened to KRCL’s
Concerning Gays and Lesbians program. John Gatzmeyer spoke on “Owning Our Own Power”. John teaches empowerment classes at Holy
Cross Hospital using meditation and supportive methods structured after Louise
Hay’s book “You Can Heal Your Life”.
Anyway, Mark Lamar called me about the tasks I had
assigned to him about calling the Forest Service for a summer retreat, calling
Bryant Intermediate school about holding dances there, calling the bars about
ticket distributions, and picking up a nonprofit status form for the AIDS Quilt
project.
He said he called the forest service and found
out that we needed a permit to hold a Fairy Gathering. He also called Bryant
Intermediate School about holding dances there but the cost was too
prohibitive. He called the bars to ask them to sell tickets to the Water Slide
fund raiser and he picked up the forms the AIDS Quilt board needs to become a nonprofit
organization. He also said that he called Beau Chaine about the Gay Help Line
and that he was discouraged by the way Beau is handling calls.
John Reeves called me and said that he talked to
the dean of Student Affairs at the Utah Valley Community College where he
teaches and the mechanics are in motion to let the Utah Valley Men’s Group meet
there. This is the beginning of something big in Utah County. The first cracks
in the monolithic Mormon strangle hold on the Gays and Lesbians of Utah
County.
In the
evening I went to the downtown library to do some research on King Edward II
for an article and while there I met someone cruising the 3rd floor men's room.
The sex was great.
4 February 1988 Thursday-
It's been two years since I came out of the
closet.
I think I've adopted a cat.
Yesterday this cute tiger gray kitten started meowing outside my basement
apartment widow. So I let it in and fed him a little milk because he was
hungry. I then put him back outside. However this morning I saw him outside my
bedroom window, sitting in the snow. I brought him inside and he's been with me
since.
I've named him Billy because
just like Billy Bikowski, he just appeared one day on my doorstep wanting to be
fed and taken care of. As I am writing this, the kitten is being such a
nuisance.
When I came home from work
during my morning break, I began to pet him and I suddenly I started to cry
remembering my dogs Sam and Toby and the cats Killer, Baby, and Jack. I think
having Billy Cat here will be good therapy for me to start healing from the
loss of Sam and Toby. I am always afraid to become too attached to something
that I might lose.
Anyway, I went to the Gay and
Lesbian Community Council tonight. We agreed to sponsor a Romanovski and
Phillips Concert, and to buy a case of peanut butter and a case of tuna for
Chuck Whyte’s can food drive. It was a good turnout tonight, without the
“activists” clouding our issues and objecting to everything not sponsored by
them. We had 40 in attendance.
AIDS was the predominant theme including the
need for increased safer sex education and awareness in Utah. We also discussed
the Gay and Lesbian Concerns Subcommittee of the Health Department’s AIDS
Advisory Committee, and AIDS legislation that is before the state legislature.
The council agreed to construct 4 more AIDS information boxes to be stocked
with AIDS brochures and installed in Gay and Lesbian establishments. The
council has now three subcommittees: The Anti-Violence Project chaired by Lyle
Bradley, The AIDS committee chaired by David Sharpton, and Gay Pride Day ’88 committee
chaired by Floyd Gamble.
5 February 1988-Friday-
Well this cat is very much like Billy Bikowski. I fed him, took
him in, let him sleep with me and then he goes and pisses on me. So I put
him out the front room window and changed the sheets on my bed.
Anyway after work I got ready for my date with
Neal Hoyt. Before he came over, I called Dan Fahndrich to tell him about having
to get his article for Concerning gays and Lesbian in to the Triangle by the
13th. However Dan wasn't home and I was surprised when Billy Bikowski answered
the phone. We talked briefly. He said he wanted to get together with me to
talk. I said that would be nice but I didn't set a date fearing I'd be
disappointed.
Neal came by at 7:30 and the show started at 8.
I love "Lion In Winter" and enjoyed seeing it as a play at the new
location of Theater 138 on Highland. I knew by heart most of the dialog. I paid
for the tickets since Neal drove all the way up from Orem and after all I did
ask him out. His brother was at the show with a girl and that freaked him out
some.
Anyway the play was over at 10:30 and after
taking me home, I had him come in to visit for about an hour. I wanted to kiss
him but he informed me out of the blue that sex doesn't mean that much to him
and that he doesn't have it anymore. He said he just likes to cuddle.
I thought, "Geez". I mean I don't have
to just have sex either, but I won't go through another romance without kisses.
For me it's too painful.
Mark Lamar called me about having found a
location for our dances. We can have them at the Central City Community Center
for $45 for three hours from 8 in the evening to 11 at night. I need to talk
with Chris Brown of The Lesbian and Gay Student Union and Dave Malmstrom of Affirmation before
confirming it.
I have a lot to do tomorrow. So I better go to
bed. I've forgiven Billy Cat. He's back inside with me. If I do keep him I will
have to get him neutered.
6 February 1988 Saturday-
I worked most of the day on my history article for the Triangle. I
am writing about King Edward II and his lover Piers Gaveston both who were
murdered for being Gay.
In the evening Steve Brackenbury of Gay Fathers
wanted to get a bunch together because it was his birthday and he wanted us to
go bar hopping. He’s 25 years old now. So Mike Anderson, Mark Lamar, Brent
Fotheringham, Dan Fahndrich, John Reeves, Steve and I went to the In-between
bar first. I wanted to meet with Bruce Harmon and Chuck Whyte to hand out
flyers for the water slide.
There at the In-between, Donny Eastepp, the
co-owner, pulled me aside and gave me a royal rimming which pissed me off for
the rest of the evening. He complained how I went on and on in January’s
Community Council’s meeting, implying that I was monopolizing it. That
hurt because it really isn’t fair. He said that people think I am too
opinionated.
I told
him in my defense that my only motivation is to see a strong, healthy, and
vibrant Gay community and if I am involved in a lot, its only because there is
a lot to be done! I said I only want to see all organizations strong and
healthy and not in competition with each others. But because he is the
Royal Court’s emperor, and he has a lot of influence, I just took a lot of his
berating. But I think it’s extremely petty if the only thing people can find to
criticize about me, is how involved I am in the community.
John
Reeves later said that I probably got chewed out because I represent a threat
to the bars and the Royal Court and that there is a power shift away from the
bar scene towards support and social groups. Perhaps. Or maybe Donny
Eastepp was just drunk.
He did sell $80 worth of tickets for the Newgate
Water slide even though he was ragging on me that it will never work. I
said if we have fifty people we will be successful. Hell even if we have only
25. We aren’t here to make money off of this, even though it is a fund raiser,
but rather to promote within the community the AIDS Quilt Project.
After leaving the In-Between we went to The
Deerhunter on 3rd West and about 7th South. It’s mainly a Gay men's
bar. Then we went up the street over to the Lesbian bar Your Place or Mine,
which, I heard, are referred to now as "Your Face or Mine". The Deerhunter is referred to as “the Queer
Hunter.”
Tonight ended up be a night from hell. I
was not enjoying myself at all and neither was John Reeves. When I heard the
songs "Take My Breath Away" and "It's a Matter of Trust"
played, it made me all the more melancholy for Billy Bikowski and just wanted
to go home. John Reeves went to the Club 14 bathhouse.
I've taken back Billy Cat inside and now I have
to get some kitty litter so the kitten doesn't wet the bed again.
7 February 1988 Sunday
I called Billy Bikowski this morning and asked him to come over
for lunch which he did at noon. How do I feel about seeing him again? I love
him as much as I ever have. It feels right for him to be here with me.
After eating Sunday dinner, as I began to
massage his hand, he broke down into sobs. He cried, "Why don't you just
like me? I really hate you for loving me." I just held him in my arms,
cradling him and said softly, "And I hate you too. I will always hate
you."
We spent the rest of the day just resting in
each other's arms and basking in the warmth of the love I have for him. I then
took him home to his place up in the Avenues about 5.
After he was gone I thought I was fine but I
realize now that I am not. I am heartsick. I can't stand it.
In the evening I went down to KRCL to do a
Valentine's program but no one showed up but Beau Chaine. I didn't know what
was going on so I finally called Becky Moss. She said that she's been trying to
get a hold of me to say Antonia dela Guerra wasn't coming in and that Becky had
pulled a ligament in her leg and can't drive. She said that Bobbie Foutz would
come in at 8 to engineer the show.
I didn't want to deal with Beau so I just told
him he could go home. I waited until 8:15 then left myself, really upset for
the waste of my time.
I went back to the Crossroad Urban Center on 4th
east to close the building up for Affirmation as I said I would. They were
having a pot luck dinner there because the Unitarian Church on 13th east was
being used for something else. I stayed there until locking up about 10 because
I was the only one who knew the security code and had a key.
8 February 1988 Monday
After work I went straight home to get ready for the AIDS Quilt
meeting. At meeting we talked about getting Norma Matheson, former 1st
Lady of Utah, to be a spokesperson for the Quilt. We spent most of the meeting
discussing how to promote the water slide event. Bruce Harmon has
really taken the reins of the group and it’s really getting exciting.
Afterwards I went up to The Lesbian and
Gay Student Union which was meeting in
Orson Spencer Hall where I made an announcement about the water slide event and
Mark Lamar registered people there to vote. Tonight’s meeting was about
organizing an April Gay Conference at the U. Chris Brown also discussed
the possibility of forming a Gay Alliance at the U and having separate meetings
for the women and the men. The women all want to have separate meetings,
feeling their meetings are tainted by the presence of men, even Gay men. They
think we are part of the privileged male Patriarchy. What they don’t
realize is that we gave up that privilege by ”Coming Out”. To the patriarchy,
we are women. But to some of these Lesbian separatists we Gay men are guilty
simply for having a penis.
I saw a cute guy at The Lesbian and Gay Student
Union . I think his name is Jeff Woods. After the meeting I just went home dead
tired.
9 February 1988 Tuesday-
At Unconditional Support tonight Ken Francis led the meeting and
Dave Reed came and talked to us about financial planning. I thought it was a
really good meeting. Scott Anderson looked a little discouraged. I guess Dan Fahndrich
have broken up.
After the meeting was over at 9, I just stayed
at the Crossroad Urban center and visited with Mike Anderson and others until
about 10 when I had to go meet with Becky Moss at the Blue Mouse Theater on 1st
South. She had called me before Unconditional Support and had asked me to help
her throw a show together for tomorrow and I said I would.
Chuck Whyte came along with me down to KRCL, but
there we found that we couldn’t use the recording studio until 11:00 so it was
after midnight before I got home and 1 in the morning before going to bed.
However we managed to pull a program together by using some of Dave Malmstrom’s
interview we hadn’t used before, and by reading Valentines over the air.
I am so exhausted. I’ve got to get my history
article on King Edward II to Brook Hallock by tomorrow and Saturday is
the dead line for my news articles. I hate all this frigging Triangle deadlines.
I feel like I am back in school.
10 February 1988 Wednesday
I just went into work at Utah Title and came home across the
street to crash during my breaks. So glad I can just walk to work and come home
back to the Juel Apartments so easily.
At work I had a
surprised call from Billy Bikowski at 4 in the afternoon. He said he was at an
Instant Care Health Clinic. He said he felt something pop inside him while
coughing too hard waiting to catch a bus. He said he needed my help. I was so
worried that I left work early and went to the clinic in Foothill Boulevard to
retrieve him. I say him standing there and looking so cute.
Anyway
the doctor said he pulled some cartilage away from his ribs and he gave him a
prescription to help kick out Billy’s bronchitis. So I drove him to the
Avenue’s Smith Food king so he could fill his prescription and buy some
groceries. I love him so much. I still do but it is hard being with him because
nothing has really changed. He doesn’t love me.
Taking
him home, he asked me to come in to see the wooden eagle he is carving. It is
so elegant and in so much detail, each quill feather being defines. It was so
beautiful it almost made me weep. However I had to leave because being with
Billy started to bring back a rush of old unwanted emotions and so I left. I
had to be out at Brook Hallock’s place anyway to drop off my article of King
Edward II. I also typed up some of the silly predictions that I had read for
Concerning Gays and Lesbians and gave them to her. I hate all these frigging
Triangle Deadlines. And I am not even being paid.
I
was very despondent today being with Billy. However Billy Cat, I guess he is
mine now, is so cute and is finally getting potty trained
11 February 1988-Thursday-
I sent a $25 check and card off to Fran for her birthday tomorrow.
Her phone number in Lindon is disconnected
so I don’t have a way to call her and wish her a happy birthday.
Mark Lamar has a phone box now for information
on the Gay Bars and Lyle Bradley set up one for the Anti-Violence Project. They
went to the same company where I got my phone system for Unconditional Support.
I knew it would catch on. Mark Lamar created the Gay Bar Information Line to tell people where
all the bars are located and what events are happening there weekly. Lyle
Bradley set up his phone system for people to call the Anti-Violence Project
and report bashings.
Michael Anderson called me and said that some
punk kid who works with him was bragging about robbing Gay men and beating them
up in Memory Grove. He wants to report it to the Anti-Violence Project but
needed a phone number.
At 9 tonight I went down to Resurrection
Metropolitan Community Church on 6th East to pick up Chuck Whyte so
we could go to Backstreet to try and sell some tickets for the Water Slide
Event. I told Chuck I only wanted to stay an hour because I am still worn
down from staying up so late last Tuesday taping a show for Concerning Gays and
Lesbians. However we didn’t get out of there until nearly 11. We didn’t sell any tickets but we raised $25
in donations for the AIDS Quilt Project.
12 February 1988 Friday
Today is Fran’s 43rd
birthday. Billy Bikowski called me early this morning to say that the
medication he was given was kicking in and he’s feeling better. It was kind of a slow day at work, probably
because it being right before a holiday. After getting off work, I came home to
get ready for the Waterslide Fundraiser tonight.
In
the mail I received a letter from Mark Brinkhaus giving me his new address and
phone number in Chicago. I also called the YMCA about renting their camp at Kamas for a retreat.
They said Camp Rogers has bunk house style cabins and meals would be included
at a cost of about $30 per person for two days. I’m really excited about
the possibilities of having it there. John Reeves is going to call the
YMCA next week and go through official channels to see if they would rent to a
Gay organization.
Anyway
John Reeves, Mark Lamar, James
Connelly, Mike Anderson, and I all went together. We were followed by Ken
Francis and his date James Zurkle. We were in South Ogden by 8 in the evening and
it was so much fun. Perhaps about 80 people or more were there. All the
organizations had people represented. Those attending our “all Gay”
private party took advantage of the soothing 95 degree water and the two new
Wolf tanning beds that were available, and provided needed seed money for the
Quilt Project. Going down the water tubes to me was the most fun besides
seeing naked guys in the changing room. I think the AIDS Quilt made about $250
or more off of the event so that was fantastic. Thanks to the efforts of
Terrie Thompson-Ferrio, , Bruce Harmon, Chuck Whyte, and myself.
After the water slide a lot of the people there
went to The Journal a Gay Bar in Ogden to unwind before going home. It
was a really fun event and old Donny Eastepp said it would never fly! Ha! However
I was super dead tired when I arrived home and went to bed at 2 in the morning.
13 February 1988 Saturday-
My stupid typewriter is broken so disappointing. So I had to
finish my news articles for the Triangle by hand. I dropped by the Resurrection
Metropolitan Community Church and Rev. Rev. Bruce Barton was there in his
office. He said I could leave the articles with him rather than going over to
Ralph Goff.
Bruce and I talked a lot this afternoon about
his being discouraged about this community’s lack of response to his Christian
message. He also warned me and tried to convince me of the importance of not
alienating the Gay bars by promoting these community dances as “non bar”
dances. They are simply community dances. Period. He said he’s had people in
the bar community getting ruffled feathers about these dances being “anti-bar”.
To promote harmony, I believe Bruce is right. I need to be more sensitive to
all aspects of the community at large.
Anyway after visiting with Bruce I went down to
Midvale on 72nd South and bought a pair of contacts at America Best
to replace my old ones. It’s so good to have them again instead of wearing
glasses,
I
then went home and tried to rest some before having to go set up the Valentine
Dance held at the Resurrection Metropolitan Community Church in their social
hall in the basement. As I was laying down Garth Chamberlain pounded on my door
from the hallway at 7:15. He sounded frustrated and said, “Isn’t there a dance
tonight?” I said “yes but it’s not until 8.”
Evidently he had told his youth group friends it was at 7 so I left with
him and went down early to open up the building however the key Rev. Bruce
Barton had given me didn’t work. So I drove back home, called Bruce who called
Wayne who is the Church’s Deacon to come upstairs from his apartment behind the
church to open up the building.
Even with this hectic start I would say the
dance sponsored by Unconditional Support, Wasatch Affirmation, and the Lesbian
and Gay Student Union was a complete success. Before it was over, more
than 70 Gay and Lesbian individuals participated, mostly kids under 25 years
old down there in the basement of the Resurrection Metropolitan Community
Church.
John Reeves and I chaperoned more than dance and
at one point during the night he said to me that he could tell that this 20
year old boy named Steve from Tooele has a crush on me. But what the hell am I
suppose to do with a 20 year old? I met
again a kid named Jeff Wood who I am really attracted to who I saw at LGSU last
Monday. I asked him if he attends the Youth Group and he said he’s too old for
them so I know he’s at least over 23.
Anyway as the party went on downstairs, the
“older” chaperons went up to the Deacon’s study and visited about community
issues. The dance lasted until 11 at night when I started winding things down because
Bruce asked us to be out by then. Since everyone groaned when I announced that
the dance was over, I guess everyone was having fun. I let them have one last slow dance to close the
event with.
I could tell the kids were mostly disappointed
about the dance ending so I talked to Dave Malmstrom about extending the March
26th dance till midnight. He agreed. Anyway I am beat. This
has been a weekend from hell but we got a Gay water slide and a Gay Valentine’s
dance accomplished.
14 February 1988- Sunday
I tried cleaning my apartment and I baked six dozon chocolate chip
cookies. I made 3 dozon just for Billy Bikowski. I ran them up to his place in
the Avenue but Frank Fatah said he wasn’t home. I was disappointed but left
them with a card saying, “I hope you are feeling well and having a Happy
Valentine’s Day.”
Anyway in the afternoon, John Reeves and I went
to the movies and saw “Moonstruck” starring Cher. It was excellent and I
absolutely loved it. After John dropped me off, it was just in time for church
at Resurrection Metropolitan Church and
there was a very small turn out. I could tell that Rev. Bruce Barton was
disappointed as there were less than 10 people in the pews but he gave a
wonderful sermon on “Going Home” meaning heaven. I sat with cute James
Connelly on the front row.
After church, I came home and went to bed by 9
at night as I was so beat from this busy weekend. I hope I’m not catching
another cold.
15 February 1988 Monday-
Because it is President’s Day, I didn’t have to go into work at
Utah Title. This morning at 7, Randy
Olson dropped by the apartment to see if I wanted to go out for coffee. I could
have killed him for waking me up so early. I declined as I am not a morning
person.
In the afternoon
I did go out to lunch with John Reeves to plan this weekend retreat for July.
We decided to have another a planning meeting on the 24th. John has
done a first rate job of organizing this. We also finally came up with a perfect
name for the retreat “Beyond Stonewall”. We first kicked around the idea of
calling it the “Ganymede Retreat” but I wanted the name Stonewall in it. John
thought Beyond Stonewall connoted that we have finished rebelling and now we
are ready to build. We want all the workshops to be healing and nurturing as
well as educational.
Afterwards I had an interview with Wendy at this
LDS genealogy company called Lineages that Bruce Harmon works for. His boss is Johni
Cerny who founded Lineages, Inc. in 1983. I was hired part-time by them but this might
work out great.
Anyway I had an AIDS Quilt Meeting at 6 this
evening and we have raised $350 so far. That’s fantastic. At the meeting
tonight were Bruce Harmon, Rev. Bruce Barton, Rocky O'Donovan, Chuck Whyte,
Mark Lamar, Garth "Ruby Slippers" Snyder, Ben Barr and myself. I was
so tired and started feeling sick during the meeting that I missed a lot of
what went on. I’m catching another cold I just know it. I just affirmed
everything that people said. Ben Barr also said he wants to do an AIDS
workshop for the retreat this summer..
I am really beat and have not been able to write
much about all the exciting things that are happening to this community. Last
night I began to think about all the organizations that I have touched in one
way or another; The Restoration Church, Wasatch Affirmation, Unconditional
Support, Married and Divorce Gays and Lesbians, The Wasatch Church of Christ,
Salt Lake Affirmation, The AIDS Quilt Project, Gay Fathers, The First Thursday Women’s
group, Gay Youth, and the Utah Valley Men’s Group.
I was a
Bishop Agent in the Restoration Church, gave Russ Lane a home and a job enable to
keep Wasatch Affirmation going. I created MADGAL and formed a Church of Christ
last Spring. I reorganized the Salt Lake Affirmation last June which evolved
into Unconditional Support. I began the Names Project Utah which evolved into
the Quilt. I encouraged Steve Brackenbury to start Gay Fathers, Garth
Chamberlain to start Gay Youth, Becky Moss to start the women’s group, and Guy the
leader of the Provo Group said he was motivated by a talk I gave last November
at the Lesbian and Gay Student Union and
now John Reeves is their advisor.
16 February 1988 Tuesday
I went back to work today but was sick all day. I became even
sicker as the day progressed that I finally called Randy Olson and said that I
wasn’t going to make it to Unconditional Support tonight. So I made
arrangements with Chuck Whyte who works out of the Crossroad Urban Center to
open the building. Randy was scheduled to run the meeting anyway. I went to bed
at 7 this evening and slept throughout the night.
17 February 1988 Wednesday
I called in sick today and slept some more. Billy Bikowski called
me this morning and asked to come over this evening and talk. I said certainly
although it will be hard on me.
I paid some bills
today and made in my budget, room for a $150 deposit for the YMCA a
campgrounds. Speaking of that, John Reeves called in the afternoon and
said that its all firmed up with the YMCA and the Camp Rogers will be ours for
Beyond Stonewall on the weekend of July 30th. John Reeves is
really excited about the retreat and is doing such a wonderful job. He’s
getting Mike Buck to act as our secretary treasurer.
Anyway Billy came
over this evening and we visited until 11:30 at night. He said he didn’t want
the commitment that loving me would
involve. I was weary and when I wanted him to lay down with me on the couch, he
again turned aloof. I said to him that tonight is just turning into a repeat of
every other night. I told him that he’s as elusive as moonlight for when I
reach for him he recedes.
I was feeling
really weak anyway and was not up for a battle. I offered to drive him home as he lives so far
up in the Avenues but he declined so I just let him walk home in the cold.
18 February 1988
Thursday
I called in sick today as I had been so achy and feel like I have
been run over by a truck. I must have had the flu as I don’t have a sore
throat, nor a head cold but just feel lousy.
I went to the
Deseret Gym and sat in the sauna and that felt wonderful. Then I went over to
the Genealogical Library to work on a project I was given for Lineages. I put
in about 7 hours working on that.
I was feeling
horny so in the evening I went cruising at Orson Spenser Hall at the University
because the weather was so nice and I was getting cabin fever. I shouldn’t have
because it wore me out and there wasn’t any action.
19 February 1988 Friday
I tried to go into work today but I felt so lousy so instead I
called in sick again. I don’t know what I have but it sure wallops a punch.
20 February 1988
Saturday
I’m starting to feel human again but I slept all day and didn’t
get out of the apartment all day. I just gabbed on the phone to my friends trying
to catch up on all the gossip and what is going on with them.
21 February 1988 Sunday
I went to the sauna at the U of U and basked in the warmth before
going down to KRCL to tape a radio program but no one showed up so I left and
went to Affirmation tonight to promote Beyond Stonewall with John Reeves.
While cruising in
the Sauna I met this guy named Larry and he was great sex.
22 February 1988 Monday-
I went back into work today. One of the girls from customer
service was transferred to a branch office and another took a personal holiday
leave, so Lenore and I were pretty busy for most of the day but I am feeling
better.
After work we had
a brief AIDS Quilt meeting where we decided to have the next meeting at Barbara
Stockton’s place rather than my apartment so we could watch a video on the
Names Project’s display of the quilt in Washington DC.
Later in the evening I went to the Lesbian and
Gay Student Union meeting where Joe Dewey gave a lesson on Gay Culture.
It was just okay. I heard that John Bennett is gone now. He left for San Diego
where he was accepted into a paralegal program. So we will have to have new
elections for the Gay Community Council next month because with John Bennett
gone and Satu Servigna so ill we have no chair or vice chair.
After LGSU, I showed Ken Francis and Eddie
Muldong were the cruisy men’s rooms are in Orson Spencer Hall. They were simply
amazed at the amount of activity going on in them.
Anyway upon leaving the building we saw Gary
Schwartz coming in and since Ken Francis seemed to know him, I started talking
about Gay events that are happening. As it turned out Ken only knew Gary because
they were in the same Arkansas Mission field together. Ha! I thought they knew
each other through being friends with Mike Anderson or Steve Brackenbury. Oh
well. If Gary didn’t know that Ken was Gay before he does now.
I went straight home to bed after LGSU.
23 February 1988 Tuesday-
The weather is starting to get much
warmer finally. The deep freeze is over. At work everybody is back in their
departments for a change and we were
busy with 36 orders. I guess business Is beginning to pick up again. The auditors were in today looking at the
Escrow files and everyone is anxious and excitable fearing there are some
discrepancies in some of the Escrow accounts.
After
work, Becky Moss called me to see if I would help pull a show together for
tomorrow. I said sure. What a trooper I am but it’s annoying these last minute
arrangements on her part.
made a batch of chocolate chip cookies for Unconditional
Support tonight which I led. We discussed Gay Social Behavior or what to
say when you run into someone you know while out tricking. I guess I was
thinking about Ken Francis and Gary Schwartz.
I broke the group into five smaller groups and then
had then discuss the different scenarios I had given them.
I had to leave the Crossroad Urban Center at 9
to tape a program down at KRCL. I read the parable of the Eye Glasses which
switched heterosexuality and homosexuality around as the norm and played some
music from the March of the Falsettos musical. It was a good show and
we were done by 11:30 when I came home to bed.
24 February 1988 Wednesday
There’s all kinds of rumblings at work because all the insurance
underwriters except for Ticor have pulled out of Utah Title, I don’t know
exactly why but Ticor is the largest Title Company in the United States.
Without underwriter Utah Title cannot operate. The front desk receptionist
wasn’t in today so one of the girls for Customer Service had to work the phones
so it was just Lenore and I for most of the day.
After work, I
went to the Central Library to do some reading but I was home by 9 for the Beyond
Stonewall meeting at 9 at my place. Present were James Connelley, Rocky
O'Donovan, Neil Hoyt, Erick Christensen, Chuck Whyte, John Reeves and
myself. John Reeves has out done himself putting together a first rate
organizational kit for each of us. We discussed heatedly whether to have the
retreat open to both the Gay and the Lesbian Communities or just to Gay men.
Our next meeting is March 16th and we will decide then whether it
will be a men’s retreat after I contact some women I know in the Lesbian
community and see if there is any interest there in attending.
25 February 1988-Thursday
It was another bad day at Black Rock. This morning we were told
that Utah Title lost all its underwriters and would have to close its doors,
throwing all 150 people out of work. What a shock! I really did not see this
happening. We were told we won’t even be paid for this last pay period so we
are just out of a job with no money.
After hearing
this news I left and went down to Job Service immediately to apply for
unemployment to beat the rush. I came back to work by noon and I worked the
phones for four solid hours with them ringing off the hook as the news filtered
out into the public. People who had mortgages and refinancing were in a panic.
The co owner Al
Newman tried to find us an underwriter so we could stay in business but by 4 in
the afternoon he instructed me to tell lenders who were worried about their
public recordings they had ordered to send them to another Title Company. At
that point I knew it was all over. We had been straightening deck chairs on the
Titanic. It was futile because we were going down.
People were in
tears at work and I was trying to hold things together working the phones to
answers the frantic callers but at 4;30, after knowing there was nothing more I
could do and I wasn’t going to get paid, I left work.
I had to be out to Salt Lake Community College
in Taylorsville to be on a panel for John Reeve’s Sociology class. The class
wanted to speak to a panel of homosexuals and on the panel were Curtis Jensen,
Chris Brown, and Joe Dewey all from the Lesbian and Gay Student Union, and myself.. I think we performed well and
John Reeves was pleased. I hope we destroyed some stereotypes. Afterwards
John took us out for Pizza at Lieka’s on 4th South.
While eating I told Curtis Jensen’s about what
was happening at Utah Title because he said he hates the Rogers Family.
Evidently Ed Rogers the other co-owner embezzled hundreds of thousands of
dollars from the escrow accounts with the help of Ron Howell to cover debts
from property they had purchased. That is what caused the oldest and most conservative
title company in Utah to fold. When Al Newman learned of Ed’s dealings with
dipping into the escrow accounts, because he hated him, Al turned him in but in doing so caused
underwriters to pull out. One hundred and fifty people are now out of work because
of the greed of two capitalist Mormons. If we had socialism where the people
who actually worked for Utah Title had been on a board of review this could not
have happened.
Well it’s my own fault for moving back to Utah
the White Collar Crime capital of the world. But still what a shock. I think I
am still a little dazed.
26 February 1988 Friday
I went into Utah Title for the last time to find out what was
on. Bob Elcock confirmed that the
business was closed and he was pretty certain that we would not get paid our
last pay check. On the news last night, it reported that Utah Title was going
to file bankruptcy so it might be long, long time before I ever see my last pay
check.
I went to the break
room to visit with some of my co workers. People still looked frazzled about
having their world turned topsy-turvy
basically over night. I saw some of the title examiners taking arm loads
of chains of titles from the library. I guess they think they have them coming
since they aren’t getting paid for the work they did.
After a while
saying goodbyes I left and drove to Farmington
and Murray to put in applications for substitute teaching. I think it’s
just beginning to hit me that I am really out of a job because Ed Rogers
embezzled money form he company. It seems so strange to walk away from my desk
with half finished work on it knowing they will never be completed by anyone.
My economic
situation is bleak. I have absolutely no money in the bank. Maybe $2 as I was
depending on this pay check and rent is due next week.
In the evening I
called Billy Bikowski up as I just needed to hear his voice and maybe be
assured that everything will turn out okay. However all he could do was “I’d
invite you up but it might lead to an uncomfortable situation again.” I thought
fuck you. After all I have done for him, he’s always only thinking of himself.
27 February 1988
Saturday
I went to the genealogical
library for most of the day to work on a project Lineages gave me. Perhaps if I
do a good job they will hire me as a full time genealogist.
The more I think
about how Billy reacted when I called him, the madder I get. I am always there
for him but he can never be there for me when I need a arm to lean on.
I was really
upset this morning after Mom called me. When I told her, I lost my job, can’t
pay rent, have no food, because I don’t have any money, she didn’t offer any
help at all. I realized that I have no
one that I can turn to for help or support.
In the evening
John Reeves wanted to go out dancing. I had
a headache probably from the stress and really didn’t want to go out but John
was so insistent that I did anyway.
It was not a fun
night out with John and I neither having any money so it was more depressing
than anything.
28 February 1988 Sunday
In the evening Becky Moss and I did our radio program. I interviewed
the guys from the Utah Valley Men’s Group. Becky Moss thought that they were
anti-Lesbian. However I think it will be a good program.
Not a lot is going on to report on. Lyle Bradley
called me to see if I’d run for an office on Community Council. I said no way
with all I am involved with, however I told him to call John Reeves. I want to see John Reeves in a responsible
position in the community and being the vice chair of the Gay and Lesbian Community
Council of Utah would be excellent.
29 February 1988 Monday-
It’s leap day and this morning I received a call from the Granite
School District, sending me out to Hunter Junior High to substitute for Dale
Benson’s Industrial Arts class. I was tired for staying up so late last night
but grateful to be called to substitute already. But what do I know about
basically a shop class? I had no money to buy lunch or anything so the day kind
of just dragged on. The experience today
however made me realize that I don’t really want to substitute teach again.
It’s too stressful and right now I have too much stress in my life. Besides I
just found out that substitutes only get paid once a month so I won’t see a
check for any work in March until April.
I can’t afford to
substitute as I need my unemployment to pay rent so I’m not put out on to the
street. Neil Hoyt thank goodness bought the first ticket for Beyond Stonewall
for $45. Rocky O'Donovan brought the money to me so now I have $45 out of the
$150 I had put up out of my own pocket for the deposit on Camp Rogers. Since
Utah Title folded without paying me my last pay check this is all the money I
have.
Rocky and I then went over to
Barbara Stockton’s for an AIDS Quilt meeting but Ben Barr didn’t show up with
the video about the national showing of the Names Project Quilt so we just
talked about the March 12th open house which we will be hosting.
Bruce Harmon has gotten us all incorporated now also.
Well this is the end of February. I should have
gotten paid today but zip! Oh well. God is looking out for me. I worked mostly
today on writing up the lineages LDS genealogy project so I could turn it in to
them tomorrow.
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