June 1988

1 June 1988 Wednesday

I slept in until noon and I am still feeling groggy. Becky smith has strep she thinks and is going to the doctors today. Also Becky Moss called this morning and said she hasn’t felt well either with having asthma attacks.  So we didn’t go into KRCL to do a show which was okay with me.

            I’ve been so busy lately. I went into Lineages to pick up my paycheck as they weren’t ready yesterday. I cleared $283 so I have enough to pay rent on time. After making a deposit at Guardian Bank , I went  to the $3 haircut place on 7^th East where I finally had a haircut and beard trim.

            From there I went to Memory Grove to sunbathe and while laying out at Memory Grove and writing in my journal, Curtis Jensen and Joe Dewey tracked me down. Curtis wanted to jump my case over my pulling my support from the Youth Group. I asked him did he want to talk to me or yell at me.

When he allowed me to tell him my reasons, surprisingly Joe Dewey said to Curtis, “You ought to stop jumping all over Ben and get after Garth Chamberlain because what Ben says makes 100 per cent sense.” Joe and I usually do not see eye to eye, so he totally redeemed himself in my estimations because what he said. It showed maturity on his part and that he was trying to be objective about the whole issue. 

Anyway when we were through, Curtis and I resolved our differences but I still said I could not support or refer people to The Youth Group as it is presently constituted. 

When I left Memory Grove I walked down to the City Library to research and write up  my historical column for The Triangle. I wrote it on Aristogeton and Hermodius, ancient Greek lovers whose homosexual love founded democracy in Athens. Why aren’t we taught this is school? Homophobia strikes again.  Who wants their children to know that fags created the democracy from which sprang our own democratic traditions?

In the news Salt Lake City’s Vice Squad cited Hyatt Book Store downtown with distributing pornography for carrying the Gay men magazines Jock and Black Beauty.   “It's not the first time vice has done this.  They do it every year.  It’s just a form of harassment.  They usually drop the charges,” said a magazine store employee. Other stores cited were The Magazine Shop.

2 June 1988 Thursday-

 I bought collars, with bells on them, for Billy Cat and Carlotta the Siamese. Billy is too good at sneaking up on birds and dragging them back into the apartment.

            I went to the Genealogy Library and did some work but I really will have to hit the research tomorrow.

I attended The Gay and Lesbian Community Council and we finally approved our articles of incorporation. We heard from David Sharpton that part of the Names Project AIDS Quilt is coming to Salt Lake City as part of the National Mayor Conference that will be held here next month. I made a motion tonight to establish a Gay Community Center for Salt Lake City and since the idea needed more study it was put off for next month’s agenda.

After the meeting, Rev. Bruce Barton told me that Auntie De aka Dean Walton has incorporation papers already drawn up for a Community Center. He said that Beau Chaine has the papers now. He said that he would talk to Auntie De about giving the incorporation papers over to the council and putting them in charge.  That would be great!

We went out to coffee afterwards and ended up sitting next to Greg Stanger, this most obnoxious know it all, who was telling us all how we should be running the community.  After a while John Reeves had enough and put him in his place as only John can do.

3 June 1988 Friday-

I called Mom today of her 59^th birthday. She said that they sold the house on Dale Street in Garden Grove for $140,000 and are moving to Victorville in the desert. They bought a house there for $100,000. A Vietnamese family bought the house which was my childhood home from 1953 until 1973.

            I worked at the Genealogy Library all evening and then at 10:30 tonight I drove down to the In-Between. I saw Ron Murray there and we visited for most of the night. At 1:30 in the morning I went out to get my car that I had parked out in front of the bar and it was gone! That was so freaky like I had forgotten where I left it but someone had stolen the Volkswagen Square Back.

            I called the police and it took forever. In fact the bar closed so Ron took me down to the police station on 2^nd South where I reported the car stolen. It was so stressful, especially since my brief case with all my genealogical research from the past week was within the Volkswagen.

            Ron took me home where when it actually dawn on me that my car had been stolen I felt lost and my sense of reality shaken. I had my car stolen in front of the in-between

4 June 1988 Saturday

I cried a lot this morning frustrated and feeling so stressed out over the loss of my vehicle and the hours of work I had done. I am really hating my job as I work way to hard for what I get paid and I don’t feel appreciated.

            I decided that I had to do an inventory of my life with some real introspection. Where am I going with my career? I am really disappointed in Bruce Harmon and Bruce Barton right now because they were at the In-between last night and I went to them first when I discovered my car was missing. They just weren’t there for me at all.

Later in the day  I called Satu Servigna and told her that I couldn’t help distribute The Triangle anymore because my car was stolen. I also said I wouldn’t be contributing an article this month as I needed time away pressure I am under.

In the late afternoon I walked over to Circle K on 3^rd South and 5^th East and while talking to some guys who work there that I know, they said they were robbed last night. They said some Tongans stole a bunch of beer and drove off in Volkswagen. After describing the vehicle and that it had Montana Plates, I said that was my car!  So now I know who stole it in front of the In-Between. What a coincidence that it was used in a crime just around the corner from where I live. 

I also called Ken Francis and said that I would need a lot of help at the community dance tonight because it is Unconditional Support’s turn to host the dance and I am all stressed out.  I think we did fine and the dance went will but my mind wasn’t on it. It was a smaller turn out tonight but it was also high school graduation for a lot of the Youth Group. After cleaning up I didn’t get to bed until 2 in the morning. I am really, really  emotionally and physically tired

5 June 1988 Sunday

I spent most of the day at Memory Grove reading the newspaper and watching the Gay guys play volleyball there until 5:30 in the late afternoon.  Then Ron Murray came by to take me down to KRCL’s studio where Becky Moss and I did a show for Concerning Gays and Lesbians on the Royal Court’s Coronation and on upcoming events for the summer.

            Becky Smith said she found a place with some Youth Group friends and will move out this Wednesday. It’s time. She’s a sweet girl but she needs to be with others her own age. She asked if she could keep Carlotta the cat and although I was reluctant I said she could when she finds a permanent place. I know she loves her and we all need something to love.

            I don’t think it has hit me that my car is actually gone and I don’t have transportation again. Oh well.

I heard that Alma Smith is leaving Utah for California now that he has finished school at the Salt Lake Community College. He was one of the leaders of Affirmation when I came out and a good guy.

6 June 1988 Monday

I walked to the Genealogy Library where I worked for part of the day and finished just one small project for tomorrow.

In the evening I went to the Lesbian and Gay Student Union. Dave Omer saw me walking up the hill and gave me a ride on up to campus. This was the last official meeting for the year.

Chris Brown this year’s President of the Lesbian and Gay Student Union is leaving on the 15^th to go home and then down to Phoenix, Arizona to live with his boyfriend Paul that he met from The Desert and Mountain States Conference for the summer. 

The meeting tonight was on Feminism and Gender Identification. It was a good meeting and afterwards we all went out to Denny’s on 4^th South and 9^th East for coffee. Jeff Partain and his lover Blaine from the Youth Group are moving to Denver this month and hope to go to New York City. Graham Bell has left Utah for Portland, Oregon, I suppose.

The only gossip I heard was from Dave Omer that Rob Ivey and David Sharpton got into a terrific fight last Friday night. Rob hit David hard enough that he had to go to the hospital.  Since David Sharpton has AIDS he is legally considered disabled. If he presses charges against Rob and Rob is convicted he could lose his broker’s license.

7 June 1988 Tuesday-

 I only turned in 5 hours of work today so next week’s paycheck will be really meager.

When I went in I had a weird reprimand today at Lineages for not dressing appropriately at the Genealogy Library.  Mary Ann told me that the Genealogy Library called Lineages and told them they didn’t appreciate me wearing shorts there. I had been wearing shorts and sandals.  I was furious. How did those Mormon bastards track me down to find out where I work and then criticize me to my employer?

I never interact with any one at the library but sit all day at a cubicle so I was mad that someone at the library came over and snooped at my stuff to see who I worked for while I was at a microfilm reader or in the stacks. They must have called Joni my boss or how else would she have known what I was wearing? There’s no posted dress code for going to the LDS Genealogy Library nor did Lineages ever tell me I had to dress a certain way so it pissed me off. Typical Mormon spying.  I hate the Mormon fascist system  so much. I want to quit my job so bad. I really hate it.

I called some title companies today but they all said they were really too slow to hire anyone. I then called different school districts and they all said that because of a budget squeeze they are cutting back on positions. I feel trapped.

Then John Reeves called with some bad news saying he wasn’t renewed at the Utah Valley Community College again primarily because of budget cuts . I guess Utah wants its teachers to teach for free like Sunday School teachers.

Anyway I wasn’t in the best of moods when I attended Unconditional Support . I had ordered a cake yesterday from Albertson’s with a Pink Triangle on it to celebrate Unconditional Support’s first anniversary. We had a business meeting tonight and we read our articles and by-laws and voted to modify some of them.  It was a nice turn out and we served cake and ice cream.

After the meeting, we went out for coffee at Dee’s. I really like this guy named Rod but I don’t know if he’s shy or just not interested in me. I think Allan Petersen has a crush n me but I sure don’t want to lead him on.

I’ve been really missing Mark Lamar  and thinking how I don’t really have any close friends except John Reeves anymore. Jon Butler is gone.  Mike Anderson and Ken Francis are still around but we are drifting apart.

8 June 1988 Wednesday

I went to the Genealogy Library for most of the day to get some work done and I really hate being there especially since I know they have been spying on me.

            When I came home Becky Smith was but left Carlotta the Cat. She took all her stuff but later I found her birth certificate was left behind. I guess I will keep it for her until I see her again. She didn’t leave me a way to get in touch or left a note saying thanks.

            I put an application for a teaching position in the Jordan and Tooele School Districts. However the way the state is slashing education  so much I wonder if there will be any jobs.

            John Reeves called and needed to get out so we went to the movies and saw “Shake Down” with Peter Weller and Sam Elliot in it at the dollar theater.

9 June 1988 Thursday

It’s my oldest sister Charline Wach’s 41^st birthday. I guess she’s now sweet sixteen anymore. None of us are.

            After being at the genealogy library for most of the day, I attended Gay Fathers in the evening to give them some referrals that were on the Gay Info Line.  I found out from John Reeves that Steve Brackenbury is no longer running the group and is moving to San Francisco by the end of the month because he found a boy friend there. The group is still meeting temporary without a leader but said they will disband soon if no one steps forward.

10 June 1988 Friday

I am feeling really melancholy tonight over Billy Bikowski and that all my old friends are gone. Mike Anderson who I once considered my “Gay sister” is out of my life.  Shawn Donnelly is living in Denver. Mark Lamar is in Indiana. Steve Brackenbury is moving to San Francisco. Who knows where John Butler is. All the people I use to care deeply about and felt like they cared about me are gone out of my life. I am so unhappy with my life right now; not about being Gay. That’s wonderful. I am just blue over the transitory nature of things right now.  Everything seems so watery and not grounded.

11 June 1988 Saturday

I was up at the Genealogy Library until they closed and then I went out with John Reeves dancing and to distribute Beyond Stonewall fliers are the bars. We have 40 people signed up now. But it’s time for the big push now.

It was a nice warm night outside and we spent much of the time on the In-Between’s patio and at The SUN dancing. When we went to Backstreet we counted only 12 people in the bar. It surely can’t hang on much longer like it is. It once was one of my favorite bar and where the Royal Court did most of their shows.

12 June 1988 Sunday-

I went and laid out at Memory Grove watching the boys play volleyball until John Reeves came by to pick me.  He’s out of school now and doesn’t know what he will be doing this fall since Utah Valley Community College didn’t renew his contract.  I don’t either.

In the evening I walked up to the Unitarian Church on 13^th East to attend Affirmation. There we discussed Father’s Day and watched a video of The Donahue Show that had a Gay couple on it.

I sat with Dave Omer and we kidded around.  I was surprised to see that Willy Marshall and Jon Butler showed up together. Willy came to plug the upcoming Libertarian Convention.  I guess I’ll stick with the Democrats but it was good to see the two of them again.  They are living together on State Street above an auto garage. Jon still hasn’t found work yet so Willy is supporting him.

Don Penrose gave me a ride home so I didn’t have to walk down the hill.

13 June 1988 Monday-

I turned in some projects at Lineages. Bruce Harmon says he’s in deep shit there over some Gay organization on the national level  having Lineages’ phone number as a Gay resource. Johni Cerny is fit to be tied.

Anyway  I walked up to the Lesbian and Gay Student Union on campus but there I saw Pedro Vacaflor who said the group was meeting down at Liberty Park this week so I just cruised the men’s rooms before going home. The place was dead.

14 June 1988 Tuesday-

            I picked up my paycheck from Lineages this morning and only cleared 4138 because they reduced my salary because of the lost work.

            Anyway Chuck Whyte was suppose to have helped me make an ad for July’s community dances on his computer in his office at Crossroads Urban Center but he got swamped and wasn’t able to. He had to attend a Royal Court Board meeting.

At Unconditional Support, Jim Hunsaker did a  lesson on Safe Sex and AIDS and we all took the Red Cross’ sample survey. During the discussion about AIDS I made the statement that I thought AIDS would never be cured as long as the capitalist medical establishment could make a profit off of Gay men dying.  When it gets too deadly and too expensive, and when it hits the heterosexual community hard then there would be a cure.

John Reeves took an exception to that and instead of prefacing his remarks with “This is how I feel” which is the Unconditional Support way, he attacked me personally by saying “You”.  That is not the Unconditional Support way and I need to address that again in a meeting so people will feel safe sharing their opinions rather than feel like they have to defend themselves. This is not the Lesbian and Gay Student Union where they argue about everything .  After the meeting we went to the movies and saw Tom Hanks in BIG. It was really good but I was kind of feeling down.

 I received a letter from the Jordan School District which wanted me to make an appointment for an interview. I’m excited about that and will call them first thing tomorrow.

I haven’t heard a thing about my car from the police. I guess I really don’t expect to hear anything unless it’s found abandoned, towed, or in an accident.

15 June 1988 Wednesday

I didn’t do a damn thing today except play. I have absolutely no energy to put into doing genealogy. I can’t believe how much I dislike working for Lineages.

            I walked all over the place today to get out of the apartment. It’s been in the mid-90s all this week and it feels really good.

            I got a notice in the mail today about Utah Title filing for Chapter 7 bankruptcy as all their assets are going to be completely liquidated.

            I feel like I am just drifting directionless right now waiting for some cosmic change. As the song says, “What’s It All About Alfie?”  How is Billy Bikowski? Who knows? I never hear from him anymore.

            I had such a strange dream about John Cunningham last night. I don’t know where I was in the dream but I was with Mom somewhere and when I looked over I saw John. I then said to mom in effect, “How could I have not loved him?”

16 June 1988 Thursday

Grandma Johnson was born in Oklahoma Territory this day in 1899 as Tressie Margret McLeod. Happy Birthday. I called Mom today and she said that Grandpa Johnson has signed the farm at Hart Camp over to my uncle J.W. and her to keep the government from taking it since Grandma is in a rest home in Littlefield.

            I went to the Genealogy Library some and did some work. I need the money.

It’s still hot, hot, hot. It’s unseasonably hot. There’s a bad drought in the Mid-West which they say will force food prices up this fall. Also in the news I heard that the Supreme Court said it would hear the case of a Gay Man who sued the CIA  for being fired because he was a homosexual. It will be a test case to see if Gay Rights are protected under the umbrella of the Constitution. However even  with the Supreme Court packed by Ronald Reagan, it still could decide in our favor

17 June 1988 Friday

It’s hot, hot, hot. In the mid nineties and I love it. “Hot town, summer in the city Back of my neck getting dirty and gritty Been down, isn't it a pity Doesn't seem to be a shadow in the city All around, people looking half dead Walking on the sidewalk, hotter than a match head But at night it's a different world Go out and find a boy Come-on come-on and dance all night Despite the heat it'll be alright

18 June 1988 Saturday-

I spent most of the day at the genealogy library. Then In the evening I went to the community dance at the Unitarian Church hosted by Affirmation this time.  Hardly anyone showed.  Only about 40 people attended but we did break even.  It was so hot inside the church that more people were outside on the lawn than inside dancing. I gave Richard Morris our Community Dances DJ and his helper free tickets to the Romanovski and Phillips concert for all the volunteerism they do.

            I danced most of the night with Rodney then felt stood up when he left me without saying goodbye. I walked home feeling alone and depressed.

19 June 1988  Sunday

I worked writing up reports  until I went to Affirmation tonight and they had another video on the Phil Donahue show. It was nothing special. Seems like no one is actually running the group or at least ran out of ideas. I only went to announce the Beyond Stonewall Retreat and the Romanovski and Phillips Concert on Tuesday

I should have gone to The SUNS’ Beach Party and Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello Look a Like Contest but had no way to get there. 

20 June 1988 Monday

I worked all day and night  writing up reports  to get them done by tomorrow. I just absolutely hate my job.

            It was hot, hot, hot again in the high 90’s. I notice it a lot more being out in it then when I can my car. At least my basement apartment is relatively cool and I haven’t had to turn on my portable fan yet.

            I am so sad and have been for some time. I hope I snap out of it soon. I just think about Billy Bikowski a lot and hope he’s well and happy and has someone to love him.

21 June 1988-Tuesday

It’s officially the first day of summer and again, hot, hot, hot. I didn’t get to bed last night at all but did try to sleep a couple of hours on the couch in the afternoon before getting ready for the Romanovsky and Phillips Concert. This will be their 3^rd appearance in Salt Lake City and this time sponsored by The Gay and Lesbian Community Council of Utah.  The Tickets are  $5 and is also a fundraiser.  

Mike Pipkin dropped by this afternoon so I talked him and his lover into coming along to the concert with the rest of us. Eric Christensen, James Connelley, James Conrad, Randy Olsen, John Reeves, Ken Francis and his boyfriend James Zurkel all met at my apartment and then we walked over to Bryant Intermediate for the concert which was fabulous!

The singers promoted material off of their new album “An Emotional Roller Coaster”.  I bought two albums. 

 It was hot, hot, hot in the auditorium and everyone in the audience used everything and anything to fan themselves. Both Romanovski and Phillips were sweating bullets. 

Only about 150 people showed up for the concert and so the Community Council did not make any money on it. In fact we went into the hole.  I told Bruce Harmon to consider the community dances’ money we loaned them as a donation to the council. While our numbers were small it was a fun, supportive, and enthusiastic evening. No one left feeling down including me.

22 June 1988 Wednesday

I worked at the genealogy library all day

23 June 1988 Thursday

I had a date with this guy named Jim who I met at Memory Grove last week. We went to the show and saw “Biloxi Blues”. It was a cute Neil Simon’s show. However nothing was clicking between Jima and me so afterwards he took me home at 10 tonight.

            As he was walking out of the Apartment’s front entrance, I cut out the back and walked over to Steve Brackenbury’s Farewell Party. He lives at the Ben Albert apartment on 5^th East and there was a mix of Gay and straight people there to say goodbye. John Reeves was there as was Mike Anderson who I hadn’t seen in months.  He’s lost a lot of weight, his bay fat, and looks really cute. It was sad seeing him there though because it made me sad for what we once had.

24 June 1988 Friday

I had a date with Eric Carlson tonight. We went to the movies and saw Robin Williams in “Good Morning Viet Nam” . It was pretty good I thought. After the show we sent to the Greek Soulvaki’s over on 3^rd West and we ate some Yeeros before heading down to the In-Between.  There we were able to visit some out on the patio and got to know each other better. He’s an interesting guy but I don’t think we could get serious about each other. He’s only 21 or 22 and I am 37. 15 years his senior. Besides he may be moving off to California.

            I saw Ken Francis and he’s heartbroken because his boyfriend James Zuckle broke up with him and moved out of Ken’s apartment at the Juel.

            I’ve been crying about heartache too. Billy Bikowski, I’ve got to get over you.

25 June 1988 Saturday-

It’s my sister Donna Jones’ 39^th birthday. We rarely speak any more primarily because her husband is an asshole.

Becky Moss picked me up at 8 this morning to go to the Democrat State Convention held at Cottonwood High School. I was dressed in slacks and wore a tie but I also wore my Gay Pride buttons.  I was chosen a delegate to the state convention but I really wanted to be there to have an openly Gay presence.

The convention had a carnival atmosphere and it was lots of fun, with lots of food and hand shaking. There were lots of people promoting themselves. 

Becky Moss and I talked to several candidates about Gay Rights issues as well as how they felt about mandatory AIDS testing. We spoke with Zane Gill who was running against Paul Van Dam for state attorney general. Gill said he favored civil rights for all people. Stringham who was running for Congressional Representative from the 3^rd District acted amazed when we told him that Gay people did not have the same rights as other citizens. He gave us his card and asked to be more informed on the issue.

When the planks of the platform were being voted on, the words “sexual orientation” were added to the list of characteristics that should not be discriminated against. This was mainly done by the efforts of David Nelson.  But at the last minute the wording was changed to “discrimination against all people”.

The convention lasted until 5 in the afternoon and at that time Becky Moss and I were exhausted and left. 

I had to be home to meet Allan Petersen because we made a date to go out. We were going to go to Sundance to see a play but Allan didn’t want to drive that  far. Well Brook Hallock and Nancy Diatima Perez were hosting a Poetry Reading Party at their place so we went there instead.

That was fun. I got to know Becky Moorman and Tom Abizu Jensen better. They  were there reading their writings also.  It was an enjoyable evening. Brook Hallock and I had an academic debate on whether being Gay was a modern construct or not. I said I believe it is because we define ourselves now by the post World War II concept of Gay people being something we are and not something we do.  

Brook Hallock also told me that James Kepner of the International Gay Archives had called Satu Servigna to tell her that The Triangle Community Digest was the best community magazine being sent to him right now due primarily to the quality of the writers including me. I got chills when I heard that because of the honor of recognition from James Kepner.

Anyway it was a fun evening although Allan while a sweet man is also kind of a fuddy- duddy. But I guess I compare everyone to how I feel about Billy Bikowski. I am still hung up on him.

I have been crying all week since hearing  that Ken Francis and his boyfriend James  Zuckle had broken up. It’s too close to home . I really miss Billy. I really do.

26 June 1988 Sunday-

Mark Lamar called this morning to say he’d be back in Salt Lake City this coming Tuesday. I’m glad he’s coming home even if it’s for his wife’s trial.  It rained some this morning but just made it feel muggy.

John Reeves came over at 1 this afternoon to take me to his place in Taylorsville so I could use his word processor to type up a resume.

Brent Burch was in town for his brother’s wedding and we got together to visit. He said that he and Shawn Donnelly are doing great.  I apologized for not sending Thank You note for letting me stay with them last month in Denver.

In the evening John took me back into town to KRCL so I could interview him about Beyond Stonewall. After his interview, Becky Moss and I did another show for Gay Pride Day which will air this week.  We did two shows so we wouldn’t have to come back over the 4^th of July holiday next weekend.

27 June 1988 Monday

The Stonewall Riots happened 19 years ago shortly after midnight.  Anyway I spent the day at the genealogy library until 5 in the late afternoon. It’s still muey caliente. After leaving the library, I stopped at the central library to read up on King James I of England so I could do a history article on him.

            While there I was cruised by this tall blond kid wanting sex. We got together in the 3^rd floor men’s room and he was incredible. His name was Mike and I gave him my phone number but II doubt if he will ever call me. But he was a sweet and his kisses were incredible.

            I was too wired up from that experience to just stay home so I took the bus up to the U of U to attend the Lesbian and Gay Student Union . Reina Horton was supposed to give the lesson but she never showed up.  There were only four of us anyway. Jim Hunsaker gave me a ride back home and on the way Ken Francis was the topic of conversation. Jim is dated Rodney now, I think.

Anyway back at home, I stayed up until 4 in the morning writing up reports.

 .

28 June 1988 Tuesday-

I was up at 8 this morning a complete Zombie but I walked over to 370 East South Temple which is the new offices for Lineages. I dropped off a 20 hour project then went back home to crash and try and sleep some more.

            I slept in until 1:30 in the afternoon then wrote up another 7 hour report and went back to Lineages to turn it in. So I turned I 27 hours of research for which I will get paid when I spend a hell of a lot more hours writing up the reports.

            I only got paid $103 today. Yuck. I don’t know how they figure that.

            Anyway, Mark Lamar was at my place by the time I came back. It was so great to see him again. I baked some sugar cookies in the shape of pink triangles for Unconditional support tonight. There I did  a lesson on Gay Pride. About 25 people were at the meeting with about 3 new people. One guys was up from Wayne County, Utah. I saw Willy Marshall and Jon Butler at the meeting. They are starting to get out again into the community more.

            We all went to Dee’s for coffee after the meeting and Ken Francis said he is coming out to his mother who lives in Michigan.

29 June 1988 Wednesday

Mark Lamar spent the night at Matt Wilson’s last night but came home to my apartment  this morning. We had warmed over pizza for breakfast.

            I listened to Concerning Gays and Lesbians before heading off to the genealogy library for work. I did some research on the Martin-Westerlund lines.  I really hate being at the genealogy library. That is so curious because I never thought I would hate the Salt Lake Genealogy Library but I do.

            I didn’t get back home until 9 at night. Mark read me my Tarot cards fortune which said I should be coming into money soon! That’s a laugh. Mark and I visited for a while before Ken Francis dropped by. His ex-boyfriend is back in town and he’s so giddy about it.  Surprisingly John Reeves also dropped by and we all visited until midnight. 

In the news, Utah’s polygamists are killing each other again. They are a murderous bunch. What Joseph Smith had wrought. So Ken, Mark and I told each other our own LDS Temple new names.  They were Jonathan, Samuel, and Alma. It was a relief to get rid of them even though we took oaths to be murdered if we told them.

Funny how John will sleep with Mark but not say his temple name to us.   Mark Lamar went home with John to spend the night with him. A family of lovers.

            It was good to be visiting with so many friends. It almost felt like when Grandma and Grandpa Williams and Aunt Bonnie Fagen used to come over to mom and dad’s for no other reason but to visit. I do have a Gay family here.

            Satu Servigna called and said the Triangle Magazine will be ready to distribute this Friday. Joyce Seeley from Utah Title called to say I needed to send my wage claim against Utah Title in. She said that Bob and Donna Elcock moved to San Jose, California, Interesting.

30 June 1988 Thursday-

Well the year is half over now. At Lineages, Bruce Harmon assigned me 12 hours on the Langley project and 30 hours on the Rogers line so that’s good. At least that will get me through until mid July.

            Mark Lamar came home this morning doing the walk of shame…not really… Mark knows no shame and we visited some before I went off to the library

            I was really sad over Billy Bikowski today. Everything seems to remind me of him. But I must remember that Billy used me, abused me, lied to me, made me cry and because he did all that to me he must not be an adequate human being.

            Tonight, Mark Lamar is out right now down at Radio City with a trick. Ken Francis called me to say that he and James Zuckle are back together. He said he was very fortunate because so few people get a second chance.

            What does the future hold for me? Is love in my future? Does it even matter? Yes, love does matter, most of all. Not schisms in the Catholic Church nor Mormon Blood Atonement. Love sweet love. Unselfish pure love.

            I think it’s time to let Billy Bikowski go out of my heart. There’s so much to be done and so many other people in need of love and care.

 I heard a wonderful quote while watching L.A. Law, something to the affect that prejudice is never validated by the majority just made more dangerous.